Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is believed that larger
cities
have bad
impact on an individual's health. Correct article usage
a bad
This
essay totally agrees with this
statement because not only people
in these places are busy but also
bigger cities
have too much pollution.
First of all, people
who live in big metropolitan areas
usually do not have extra time for themselves. That is
because life in a big city is usually fast pace and people
waste so much time while
travelling from one place to another for their work and other daily activities, and as a
result
they do not normally focus on their health as they should have. Add a comma
result,
For example
, a surveyconducted
by American Heart Association found that 86% of Correct your spelling
survey conducted
people
living in towns and and
smaller Remove the redundancy
apply
areas
spend atleast
3 hours per week on healthy leisure activities Correct your spelling
at least
such
as walking , playing outdoor sports compare
to only 10% of the Wrong verb form
compared
people
who lives
in Change the verb form
live
cities
.
Morever
, these big Correct your spelling
Moreover
cities
are more polluted than their smaller counterparts. As the population of bigger urban areas
is significantly higher and more dense than smaller town
and rural Fix the agreement mistake
towns
areas
, they have more noise pollution and their air quality is also
poor. This
causes various lung and heart disorders in the residents.A survey conducted government
authorities in a developed country found a direct relationship between air quality and certain cardiopulmonary Change preposition
by government
conditons
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
conditions
people
who lives
in large Change the verb form
live
cities
have
not enough extra time to look after themselves and their environment is polluted, which is negatively impacting their health.Add a missing verb
do have
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Grammar & Spelling
Try to proofread your essay to catch small grammar or typographical mistakes such as inconsistent spacing, missing articles, or misspellings. For example, 'surveyconducted' should be 'survey conducted'.
Language Complexity
Introduce more varied and sophisticated sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement. This will make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
Example & Illustration
Consider developing your examples further with more specific details or statistics to strengthen your arguments. While you provide examples, more depth could enhance them.
Structure & Flow
Think about refining your argument's structure for a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. Using varied transition words and clear topic sentences can improve coherence.
Task Response
The essay provides a clear stance on the issue and maintains focus throughout.
Argument Development
You effectively use a combination of claims and supporting examples to argue your point.
Conclusion Effectiveness
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, providing a logical end to the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?