Write about the following topic: In many parts of the world, shopping is no longer a way that people buy things that they need, and it has been developed into a form of entertainment. What are the reasons for this development? Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In many different parts of the world, shopping
is not become
a part of satisfying their needs but it has Change to the active voice
does not become
has not become
been
taken a form of entertainment. Technological advancements, economic growth, and the influence of customer culture are Unnecessary verb
apply
main
reasons Correct article usage
the main
of
it. I think it is a positive development as people feel Change preposition
for
themselves
relaxed and spend quality Remove the pronoun
apply
of
time with their loved ones.
Change preposition
apply
First
and foremost reason is that the advent of online shopping, mobile apps and the presence of Add an article
The first
doing
window shopping makes Unnecessary verb
apply
individuals
to get engaged and interact towards different products in the market whether they are electric gadgets or related Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
retail
sector. Add an article
the retail
For instance
, deals on mobile phones and having 60-70% off on clothing automatically attract consumers and force them to buy these items. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
individuals
are economically well as compared to the past decades. Now, they are earning handsome money which helps them to lead a lavish and luxurious lifestyle by spending money on uncommon things.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, technology made the global world into a small village where Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
are
easily connect with each other and Verb problem
can
influenced
Add a missing verb
are influenced
with
Change preposition
by
other’s
Change noun form
other
culture
as well. Because of that the number of consumer culture is increasing and they love to spend money on buying international brands.
I personally believe that it is a positive progress as it is beneficial in various ways. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
Firstly
, people have a hectic schedule. So, they get some time to spend Linking Words
it
with their family members. But Correct pronoun usage
apply
by
visiting different shopping malls, Change preposition
apply
Correct word choice
and eat
eat
out with their loved ones, make their Wrong verb form
eating
relation
healthier and stronger than ever. Replace the word
relationship
Secondly
, people can enjoy different amenities and feel more satisfied when they take it as a leisure time activity. It not only Linking Words
lessen
their physical and mental fatigue but Correct subject-verb agreement
lessens
also
Linking Words
relax
their mind to focus on things carefully.
Change the verb form
relaxes
To sum up
, shopping is no longer a way of satisfying the basic needs of Linking Words
individuals
and it Use synonyms
took
as an entertainment activity by Wrong verb form
is taken
masses
because of the advancements in technology and improving economic situation and customer values are the main causes of increasing it. I think it is a positive step taken by Correct article usage
the masses
individuals
to improve their health and feel Use synonyms
the
social well-being too.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by kaurjagdeep2097 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea for better clarity, and use linking words to enhance logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
language
Review language accuracy to avoid grammatical errors which, although minor, accumulate and affect clarity at times.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and directly connected to your main ideas.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both parts of the question, discussing reasons for shopping as entertainment and the positive impacts.
coherence cohesion
A clear structure is maintained with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The writer includes a personal perspective which adds depth to the response, making it engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.