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Band 5

It is predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century will have much more free time. To what extent has the prediction come true? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#development #technology #people #st #century #time #prediction
In the past, the assumption was made that in the
twentyfirst
Correct your spelling
twenty first
twenty-first
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
 we
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 have to
work
 less because of the advancement in science and
technology
.
This
 essay believes that
this
 prediction
was
Wrong verb form
is
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slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 true and
although
 we have machines to do the majority of the chores, we are still busy in our lives as we have more
work
 to do to complete the
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 in our workplaces. In the
last
 century, advancement in
technology
 has really made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
house
Correct your spelling
housework
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work
 far more easier than it was before. We have various machines in our homes to do our daily household activities
such
 as washing machines, microwave
oven
Fix the agreement mistake
ovens
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 etc. These inventions have reduced the average amount of time a person usually
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 on daily chores. But
besides
 these products and the convenience they
had provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 us, we still are busy in our lives as we have to
work
 more in order to afford these products.
Moreover
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 has advanced the amount of
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 in offices a person has to do has increased significantly.
That is
 because
while
 these inventions have increased
the
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apply
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productivity, they
also
 have increased
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
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 the demand has
also
 increased.
For instance
, the average production of a prominent tea factory was 1000 bags per day in
1940s
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the 1940s
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, but now the same factory
manufacture
Correct subject-verb agreement
manufactures
show examples
 10000 bags per day. In conclusion,
while
 development in
technology
 may have made certain
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 easy, the prediction that we will have more free time is not true as we are more busy in our lives because of the increased requirements.
Submitted by saadanwer89 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph distinctly conveys a single idea clearly before moving on to the next one.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively provided an introduction and a conclusion, helping to frame your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a logical argument about the prediction's accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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