IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have to many choices. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
A certain number of people suggested that there are a large number of choices in
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 world. Since
this
 view
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 considered numerous positive actions, I totally agree with that point of view. In the following paragraphs, some ideas
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
supporting my side will be explained.
To begin
, it should be noted that nowadays have the section right for everything.
To choose
Change the verb form
Choosing
show examples
educational
Correct article usage
an educational
show examples
 major, well-paid job, healthy nutrition,
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, health care, etc. is a selective
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 for doing
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 in life. It can be considered options selected differ from person to person. To put it another way, not only do individuals act in various routes, but they
also
 have different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
depended
Change the form of the verb
depending
show examples
 on their
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society to
Change preposition
society's
show examples
 select items.
Therefore
, they can have the selection right to do whatever they
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to perform except that they must obey the law in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
,
todays
Correct your spelling
today
, most families would like to make a living using a proper selection. If they make any mistake, it will give them a risky future. To compare that,
although
 the variety of selection is seen in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 time, most people around the world cannot make a profit in order to economic issues. Most of them are suffering from monetary problems
such
 as being homeless and unemployed. In
this
 case, they are not able to make a voice for selecting any idea.
To conclude
, in spite of the fact that many individuals are struggling with economic difficulties, I strongly reaffirm that the selected options have been increasing.
Submitted by mziarati2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strive to provide a more balanced discussion by acknowledging opposing views. This will demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your response more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure your essay reads smoothly. Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and avoid mixing multiple points in one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the writer's stance on the topic. The conclusion also neatly summarizes the writer's perspectives.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic by discussing the perceived abundance of choices in today's world.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: