IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?”

#countries #people #products #world #development
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These days, technology has been developing immediately, so
countries
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, all over the world, are the same as each other owing to the fact that global inhabitants have access to a range of goods. In my opinion,
this
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 happening is a positive trend inasmuch as people in foreign
countries
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 can find the
items
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 that they
use
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, and they live in other regions more comfortably. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important for the traveller or people who immigrate to other
countries
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 is that they whether can find the products that they
use
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 in their
countries
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 or not
due to
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 the fact that unless they are able to find the
items
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 that they
use
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 in other areas, they do not need to carry a lot of foods, staffs and so on for spending the time in other
countries
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, or they have to fund too much money for receiving the
items
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 that they require from the town where they lived.
On the other hand
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, if people have a trip or migrate to other
countries
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, they have to wear clothes that are the same as their citizens.
In other words
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, they have to invest a lot of money to buy the
items
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 that they
use
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 for a limited time
while
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 the clothes and tools among the global inhabitants are similar;
as a result
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, the foreign populations spend their time in other
countries
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 better without extra cost.
To sum up
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, in my view, using the same elements among international citizens creates a chance for them to avoid spending extra money and energy.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to use specific examples to illustrate your points more clearly, as this will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that is directly related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that ideas within paragraphs flow smoothly from one to another. Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating words like 'they' or vague expressions. Use precise language for clarity in your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The response addresses the task and provides a perspective on whether the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
The main ideas are supported with some reasons and examples, making the argument more credible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
What to do next:
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