Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, many
people
would regard that information
are the most important aspect in many sectors. In addition
, people
believe keeping information
for their own is much more lucrative than giving it away freely to society. However
, in my opinion, information
that will benefit many people
should be easily accessible and free. In this
essay, I will try to explain why the latter statement is the better one. On the one hand, I believe that sharing information
regarding classified information
such
as a country's military and defence information
should not be on the internet where everyone could just access it. This
prevents a community or group of people
with malicious intentions from operating freely and being able to do damage. In that regard, information
surrounding sensitive topics should be kept away from the masses. For example
, if a terrorist group could find the blueprint of the White House where the United States president is located this
would cause major problems to the President's safety and security. Thus
, information
that has a high chance of creating conflicts should be kept in a safe place. On the other hand
, research about the cure of contagious diseases or other medical urgencies must be shared freely. This
will help the medical world to solve a problem that has been going on in the world. For example
, vaccines for the COVID-19 pandemic are too valuable to be given freely but the research group or team decided to give them away freely, looking at the positive effects of that. Thus
, people
should consider sharing crucial information
more and not be greedy. In conclusion, the benefits of sharing information
with the public far outweigh the negative aspect
of not sharing it. Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
Furthermore
, people
that
have intentions of making profits on their own should be ashamed of their behaviour.Correct pronoun usage
who
Submitted by jedidia.husodo on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay attempts to cover the topic but lacks a clear introduction that specifically addresses the question. The conclusion is present but does not fully summarize both views effectively before stating your opinion. Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clearly linked to the topic and adequately frame your argument.
logical structure
The essay does show some organization but the logical development of ideas could be improved. Paragraphs are somewhat abrupt and connections between your main points need to be clearer to enhance the essay's overall cohesion. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
supported main points
While examples are provided, they are general and sometimes not entirely relevant. Develop your main points with more specific, detailed examples that are directly related to the topic. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by these specific examples or explanations, to clarify your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed the task partially but the response is not fully extended. Each view could be more fully discussed, with more thorough examination and comparison of the differing positions on information sharing. In response to the task, provide a more balanced discussion between both views before concluding with your own well-supported opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are evident but need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Focus on fully developing your points to display a depth of thought. Avoid overgeneralizations and ensure that each argument is fully fleshed out to show a nuanced understanding of the topic. This will amplify the impact of your ideas and reinforce your position on the subject.
relevant specific examples
Your examples require greater relevance to the points being made and should be more specifically linked to scientific research, business, and the academic world, as required by the essay question. Counterbalance your arguments by illustrating the opposing viewpoint with equally specific examples. This balance helps to demonstrate a fair and critical understanding of the topic.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion