IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many
people
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 would regard that
information
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 are the most important aspect in many sectors.
In addition
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,
people
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 believe keeping
information
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 for their own is much more lucrative than giving it away freely to society.
However
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, in my opinion,
information
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 that will benefit many
people
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 should be easily accessible and free. In
this
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 essay, I will try to explain why the latter statement is the better one. On the one hand, I believe that sharing
information
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 regarding classified
information
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such
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 as a country's military and defence
information
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 should not be on the internet where everyone could just access it.
This
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 prevents a community or group of
people
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 with malicious intentions from operating freely and being able to do damage. In that regard,
information
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 surrounding sensitive topics should be kept away from the masses.
For example
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, if a terrorist group could find the blueprint of the White House where the United States president is located
this
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 would cause major problems to the President's safety and security.
Thus
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,
information
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 that has a high chance of creating conflicts should be kept in a safe place.
On the other hand
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, research about the cure of contagious diseases or other medical urgencies must be shared freely.
This
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 will help the medical world to solve a problem that has been going on in the world.
For example
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, vaccines for the COVID-19 pandemic are too valuable to be given freely but the research group or team decided to give them away freely, looking at the positive effects of that.
Thus
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,
people
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 should consider sharing crucial
information
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 more and not be greedy. In conclusion, the benefits of sharing
information
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 with the public far outweigh the negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 of not sharing it.
Furthermore
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,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have intentions of making profits on their own should be ashamed of their behaviour.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay attempts to cover the topic but lacks a clear introduction that specifically addresses the question. The conclusion is present but does not fully summarize both views effectively before stating your opinion. Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clearly linked to the topic and adequately frame your argument.
logical structure
The essay does show some organization but the logical development of ideas could be improved. Paragraphs are somewhat abrupt and connections between your main points need to be clearer to enhance the essay's overall cohesion. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
supported main points
While examples are provided, they are general and sometimes not entirely relevant. Develop your main points with more specific, detailed examples that are directly related to the topic. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by these specific examples or explanations, to clarify your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed the task partially but the response is not fully extended. Each view could be more fully discussed, with more thorough examination and comparison of the differing positions on information sharing. In response to the task, provide a more balanced discussion between both views before concluding with your own well-supported opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are evident but need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Focus on fully developing your points to display a depth of thought. Avoid overgeneralizations and ensure that each argument is fully fleshed out to show a nuanced understanding of the topic. This will amplify the impact of your ideas and reinforce your position on the subject.
relevant specific examples
Your examples require greater relevance to the points being made and should be more specifically linked to scientific research, business, and the academic world, as required by the essay question. Counterbalance your arguments by illustrating the opposing viewpoint with equally specific examples. This balance helps to demonstrate a fair and critical understanding of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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