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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people want to buy a famous brand with clothes,car and other items. What are the reason? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

#people #brand #clothes #car #items #reason #development
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These days majority of the individuals prefer to buy specific
brands
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 of clothes, vehicles and other things.
This
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 is
due to
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 the
love
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 of the brand and in my opinion, I believe that the disadvantages
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the advantages because it causes
Correct article usage
a wastage
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wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 of
money
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.
To begin
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 with, one of the reasons why some people opt to
purchase
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 famous items is because of the
love
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 they have for these
brands
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. So many people become obsessed with specific
brands
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 that they can only
purchase
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 items from their stores. They believe that since the products are already common, they should be worthy to spend
money
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 on them.
For example
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, I always buy my gadgets and phones from Samsung
brands
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due to
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fact
Correct article usage
the fact
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 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
love
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 their product and I believe that they are more durable than others. A second example is that
mist
Correct your spelling
most
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 women like buying
kadershians'
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Kader's
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 makeup
product
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products
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becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of
the
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their
show examples
 fame.
As a result
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, it is hard to change someone's mind once they
love
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 a famous brand.
However
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, I think the demerits overshadow the merits as it leads to
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of
money
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.
In other words
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, when individuals get obsessed
to buy
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with buying
show examples
 common
brands
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 that may be expensive, they do not care how much it costs or whether it is essential or not. They would do anything to make sure that they
purchase
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 it
hence
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 not only leading to big
expenditure
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expenditures
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 causing poverty.
For instance
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, my friend lost his land to the bank in return to pay for his dream car from
Honda
Correct article usage
the Honda
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 brand that costs millions of
money
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.
Consequently
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, going after something you can not afford
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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will only leave you miserable and poor. In conclusion, even though people would want to
purchase
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 famous
brands
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 of clothes and cars because of the passion they have for them, I agree that the negative outweighs the positive since it can cause
money
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 loss.
Submitted by jmeeme5 on

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task response
Consider expanding on the negative impacts of buying branded items, such as societal pressure and environmental concerns. This will provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve the logical flow. Using transitional phrases can help achieve this effect.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively presents the topic and summarizes the argument.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your points, like the personal example about your friend's experience with Honda and your preference for Samsung.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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