IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #hapinness #happiness
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Some
People
Use synonyms
 think that the only thing that brings
happiness
Use synonyms
 is the
money
Use synonyms
. We will discuss if
people
Use synonyms
 can be happy without
money
Use synonyms
 and
wat
Correct your spelling
what
show examples
 the things that can bring
happiness
Use synonyms
, I will give you my opinion about
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the only thing that brings
happiness
Use synonyms
 is
money
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 think that the most important factor is
money
Use synonyms
. And the important thing to live in
this
Linking Words
 life. And
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
Use synonyms
 is the most important factor because there is a lot of
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 you can do with
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
trvaviling
Correct your spelling
travelling
,
bay
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 new cars, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a lot of things you can do with the
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 factors
bring
Correct pronoun usage
that bring
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 out with your family or your friends,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
viduo
Correct your spelling
video
games
, .
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the best factor than
money
Use synonyms
 is family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 and
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is the most important thing to bring
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, I think that
money
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 is not the only thing that
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
such
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things that you need more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. And in my opinion family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most important factors in the world, in the same way
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is important but don’t make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 the only thing that
let
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 you feel happy.
Submitted by superalialhaddad on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear paragraphs and transitions to improve logical structure.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Proofread for grammatical errors and clarity to enhance idea comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides good structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant points about happiness beyond money, like family and friends, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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