IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
It is undeniable that universities play an essential role in youngsters' lives.
Furthermore
, there is a tendency to participate in courses other than
Correct article usage
the admission'
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admission'
Change noun form
admission
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 field of course,
however
, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can
also
 be made against the idea.
This
 essay will discuss the debate, and give a concluding view. On the one hand, those learners who support
this
 idea believe that it can be a great opportunity to get familiar with other university-level educations.
This
 might aid them in finding their interests. An example to illustrate
this
 is the research being done on a group of students taking classes other than their own major. The result shows that they tend to change their field of study more than others.
Therefore
, participating in different classes could lead to broadening their vision
thus
 finding their favourite subject which could bring about deciding to change their education.
By contrast
, opponents of
this
 view point out that learners should concentrate on their main purpose of studying. In that taking unrelated courses could distract them and stray them from their path. A telling example was a medicine student taking art classes beside his main field, after 5 years of study he decided to change his major to art.
This
 evidence demonstrates that
this
 idea could cause a waste of valuable youth time and money,
moreover
, unfulfilled goals. A second consequence is the decline of marks of students learning about side subjects
due to
 lack of time to spend on studying their major subjects
thus
 failure in getting a qualification.
Overall
, it seems advisable that students should pursue their own study materials rather than consider participating in irrelevant matters to prevent loss.
Submitted by h.safaralizade on

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task achievement
Consider more thoroughly addressing both sides of the argument. While you provided examples, they could be expanded to give a fuller picture of each view.
coherence and cohesion
Some of the sentences could be made clearer with more straightforward phrasing and organization. Ensure each main point is easy to follow and logically sequenced.
coherence and cohesion
The concluding statement could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more effectively and clearly stating your personal opinion on the matter.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring the response well.
task achievement
The arguments presented are logical and address the prompt effectively, showing a clear understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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