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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#shops #country
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The line graph provides data about the index of
shops
Use synonyms
 which closed and opened current
years
Use synonyms
 in one specific country over the
period
Use synonyms
 7
years
Use synonyms
 from 2011 and 2018. Units are measured in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 at the beginning of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the number of openings experienced the highest figure
whereas
Linking Words
 the second trend witnessed the lowest line ,but both features went down
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. In detail, in the initial
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the number of openings stood at just over 8,000 , before rapid a decrease to 4.000 in 2012. In the following
years
Use synonyms
,
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
owned
Verb problem
showed
show examples
 a rise to approximately between 5.000 and 6.000 opening
shops
Use synonyms
. In 2015,
shops
Use synonyms
 that opened slightly declined by 2.000 after
maintained
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 the same level in three
years
Use synonyms
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
opening figure
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 3.000. Looking at the second line that closed between 2011 and 2018. At
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
, it seemed more fluctuations mainly in 2015. In the first year
Add a comma
,
show examples
figure was just under 7.000 before slowly
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 to 6.000 in 2012.
Then
Linking Words
 in both
years
Use synonyms
 2013 and 2014 , opening
shops
Use synonyms
 demonstrated the number around 6.000 and 7.000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2015 ,
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
 illustrated dramatic a reduction
just
Change preposition
of just
show examples
 over 0 before rapidly
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 to 5.000 as well. Coming to the final
years
Use synonyms
, markets that opened was
standed
Correct your spelling
stood
show examples
 steady
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 5.000.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, years, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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