IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays, people believe governments should invest taxpayers' money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #taxpayers #money #healthcare #areas #points
Nowadays an increasing number of
people
 are becoming concerned about what governments should invest there are two diametrically opposite opinions on the matter. Some communities assert that the governments should direct the money received from taxes to health care
while
 others state that they should spend the falling income on the development of other areas. In
this
 essay, I will try to discuss both sides of the argument and explain why I am in complete agreement with the latter viewpoint. On the one hand, it is commonly argued by some groups of society that governments should invest tax-payers money in health care for the better development of medicine in the future. The first and foremost thing that some
people
 feel is that medicine is the most important and focused field all over the world,
therefore
 it should be improved. Another reason why they claim is that the number of patients and the death rate in the country will decrease if medication is developed.
On the other hand
, I side with those who consider that the public should budget more in other sectors, they think
this
 is true mainly
due to
 the fact that other fields in society should
also
 be reformed at the modern level
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
 it is possible to say only one field of study. Education is
also
 the most essential branch of the community. Another main reason is that other areas have a great role in improving the country's situation
for example
 transport, agriculture, security system and business , and environment.
To conclude
although
 some
people
 advocate the idea other
people
 think that more investment should be made in medication. I support the investment should be made for other fields as well.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, instead of broadly mentioning the role of transport or agriculture, you could provide statistics or case studies showcasing their impact on national development.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more consistently to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence and make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents and discusses both points of view, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction, and you effectively recognize two opposing viewpoints, maintaining focus on the topic throughout.
coherence cohesion
Good conclusion that succinctly summarizes your position and the reasoning behind it, rounding off the essay effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • taxpayer money
  • fundamental human right
  • access to medical care
  • productive society
  • disease spread
  • quality of life
  • economic productivity
  • well-rounded development
  • holistic societal advancement
  • innovation and skilled workforce
  • private investment
  • insurance schemes
  • comprehensive development
  • societal welfare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: