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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut music and art out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information and technology.

#role #education #children #world #schools #music #art #curriculum #focus #subjects #information #technology
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Some people believe that modern children should only zero in on the exact sciences, ignoring other
subjects
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.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 opinion is completely wrong, as these people don’t take into account the most crucial function of the education system which resides in the versatile
development
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 of an individual.
Firstly
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, it is totally wrong to assume that there are “useful” or “useless”
subjects
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. All of the
subjects
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 that take part in the educational program have their own value in a student's school life.
Such
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subjects
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 as
art
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 and music have an immense impact on children’s creative side, allowing them to explore new hobbies and even
to
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apply
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build a career in the
art
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 industry.
Secondly
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, people should consider that,
while
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 a school program provides a basis for knowledge for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 future career, it
also
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 develops children as individuals. Music and
art
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 are the
subjects
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 which evolve humanistic values through the lyrics of the songs or pieces of
art
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.
Moreover
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, these
subjects
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 are essential for the uniform
development
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 of the human brain. They are extremely beneficial in the
development
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 of the person’s imagination. No technical progress can be
done
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made
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 without a wide imagination. Artistic
subjects
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 teach children to fantasise: the most important skill in today’s world. All in all, I still believe that arts and music are utterly important in the kid's
development
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. Even if they won’t occur as a child's future career, they will have a great impact on different qualities
such
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 as creativity, empathy or imagination, so I’m sure that these
subjects
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 have to be in every kid’s curriculum.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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relevant specific examples
To enhance your writing, include more specific examples or case studies illustrating the importance of arts and music, providing concrete evidence to strengthen your argument.
complete response
In the future, try to thoroughly address potential counterarguments to show a balanced understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Your essay presents a clear and well-organized argument that is easy to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are well-supported with explanations, showing depth of thought in your analysis.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are presented clearly and comprehensively, making your viewpoint easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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