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Writing Samples
Band 7

Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem？

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In recent years, a huge number of youngsters have graduated from educational settings without developing effective
money
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management
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 skills. Scholars believe that
this
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 problem arises mainly from allocating a small proportion of time for
such
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 subjects and lack of work experience.
However
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, I strongly believe that certain measures can be taken to address
this
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 issue.
This
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 essay will examine the causes of
this
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 problem and suggest possible solutions.
To begin
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 with, one major cause of the lack of
money
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management
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 skills is insufficient emphasis on the subject in the curriculum. Unlike maths and literature,
money
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management
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 classes are usually ignored by school authorities.
As a result
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, the youth struggle in making budgets, lacking the ability to use
money
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 wisely.
Furthermore
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, a significant number of young people do not participate in part-time jobs which enables them to perceive how to use
money
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 more cautiously. It is widely accepted that students who work are known to make plans
according to
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 their incomes.
However
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, there are several ways to tackle
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, school authorities should focus more on
money
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management
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 classes which,in turn, play a crucial role in students' future lives.
For instance
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, adding some extra hours to the syllabus is likely to provide youth with basic knowledge about
this
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 skill.
Moreover
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,educators can recommend children useful reading materials, which elucidate how wealthy people manage their financial resources.
Hence
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, it is likely that students can obtain
this
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 skill without taking part in part-time jobs .
Finally
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, parents should demonstrate a role model of how to use
money
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 more carefully by making a budget
together with
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 their offspring.
To conclude
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, a lack of
money
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management
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 skills occurs mainly
due to
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 ignorance of the subject at school and insufficient work experience.
However
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, I strongly believe that
this
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 problem can be addressed by supplementing more hours in the syllabus and by parents demonstrating the skill in real-life situations.

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task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially in the solutions section. For example, you could mention specific programs or initiatives in schools that have successfully improved financial literacy.
coherence cohesion
Try varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest. Consider using more complex and compound sentences to link ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive examination of the issues and potential solutions regarding financial education in schools.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a strong foundation by clearly identifying the main issues to be discussed, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure, with clear divisions between sections and logical progression of ideas, supports the reader's understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Curriculum
  • Traditional subjects
  • Cultural norms
  • Real-life situations
  • Taboo
  • Technological distractions
  • Real-world experience
  • Economically disadvantaged areas
  • Resource allocation
  • Financial education programs
  • Personal financial management
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