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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Influence of human being on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. what are the causes and solutions?

#influence #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodiversity
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Human-related activities have infiltrated almost every aspect of the
world
Use synonyms
's dynamics, disrupting
environment's
Correct article usage
the environment's
show examples
 flora and fauna by eradicating biodiversity of certain species. It is my contention that
while
Linking Words
 there are solid triggering factors that exacerbate existing conditions, numerous resolutions are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 place to eliminate the shortcomings.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 and the most important leading cause of
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of living beings in many places around the
world
Use synonyms
 is
industrialization
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the industrialization
show examples
 of today's
world
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 massive trend has compelled many animals to go extinct
due to
Linking Words
 the
high-rates
Correct your spelling
high rates
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 of carbon release
to
Change preposition
into
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 the atmosphere, deforestation and depletion of many natural resources. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
this
Linking Words
 statement,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of huge manufacturing factories
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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brought about
demise
Add an article
the demise
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 of occupants of deforested green areas. It goes without saying that over the past century, the agricultural industry has had the most significant impact on the diversity of nature, leading to the extinction of many species.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by the current skyrocketing carbon emissions, which are emitted by large corporations
as a result
Linking Words
 of industrialization. As a contrary measure, Governments can launch conjoined associations to regulate the yielded damage in terms of man-made activities.
For example
Linking Words
, cement associations in the
world
Use synonyms
 have
rigiorous
Correct your spelling
rigorous
 compliance norms and standards to abide by throughout the entire procedure based on the given assumptions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, activities like hunting and agriculture industries should be limited in time to make all these processes sustainable,
otherwise
Linking Words
, soon we will not have a future to protect. In conclusion, the loss of biodiversity and extinctions are attributed to illegal deforestation and uncontrolled
exploitations
Fix the agreement mistake
exploitation
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 of
agriculture
Add an article
the agriculture
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 industry.
This
Linking Words
 problem can best be tackled with
establishment
Add an article
the establishment
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 of new associations to agree on
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 areas for the
adjutment
Correct your spelling
adjustment
.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score, it's important to ensure each paragraph clearly presents an idea supported by specific examples. While the essay addresses the causes and solutions, incorporating more specific, real-life examples can enhance clarity and relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
To boost coherence and cohesion, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using varied linking words and phrases can help create a more fluid narrative and enhance logical connections between points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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