IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that large
companies
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility for offering sports and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 to their local communities.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my opinion there are some potential benefits of
such
Linking Words
 initiatives,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
believe
companies
Use synonyms
 are not solely responsible for
this
Linking Words
 role. On the one hand, providing sports and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 can improve the well-being of the local population. Many people in the country may lack access to
facilities
Use synonyms
 for chilling and exercise out of money. By supporting these needs,
companies
Use synonyms
 can promote healthier lifestyles and stronger
community
Use synonyms
 bonds.
For example
Linking Words
, a company could build a public sports complex or make
community
Use synonyms
 events like
pepsi
Change the capitalization
Pepsi
show examples
 fest, which would encourage local engagement.
this
Linking Words
 kind of
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 could
also
Linking Words
 help
companies
Use synonyms
 improve their reputation, which can be beneficial for them.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, expecting businesses to sponsor these projects may not always be fair or realistic. Large
companies
Use synonyms
 already have high expenses,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 employee salary, taxes, and investments in improving
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
. financing the
community
Use synonyms
 with these projects could harm their financial performance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is primarily the government’s responsibility to provide these
facilities
Use synonyms
, as they collect taxes from residents to meet public needs.
Instead
Linking Words
 of relying entirely on business
companies
Use synonyms
, governments and local authorities could work with
companies
Use synonyms
 to share the costs and responsibilities. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 encouraging
companies
Use synonyms
 to invest in
community
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 is a good idea, it should not be seen as their primary option. A balanced approach where both businesses and governments share the responsibility would be the most effective in supporting local residents without overburdening
companies
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure consistency in capitalization, such as starting sentences with a capital letter.
word choice
Clarify expressions like 'facilities for chilling,' as this can be informal. Consider using phrases like 'leisure facilities.'
specificity
Consider offering more specific examples to strengthen your points, particularly in discussing government responsibilities.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
critical thinking
The argument is well-balanced, discussing both sides of the issue.
insight
The essay provides a good general overview of the roles of companies and governments in community welfare.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • health and wellbeing
  • community relations
  • goodwill
  • economic benefits
  • loyalty
  • boost local businesses
  • resource allocation
  • employee satisfaction
  • public facilities
  • core business operations
  • financial returns
  • government responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: