IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #companies #sports #facilities #community
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It is often argued that large
companies
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility for offering sports and social
facilities
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 to their local communities.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my opinion there are some potential benefits of
such
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 initiatives,
I
Correct word choice
but I
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believe
companies
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 are not solely responsible for
this
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 role. On the one hand, providing sports and social
facilities
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 can improve the well-being of the local population. Many people in the country may lack access to
facilities
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 for chilling and exercise out of money. By supporting these needs,
companies
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 can promote healthier lifestyles and stronger
community
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 bonds.
For example
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, a company could build a public sports complex or make
community
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 events like
pepsi
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Pepsi
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 fest, which would encourage local engagement.
this
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 kind of
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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 could
also
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 help
companies
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 improve their reputation, which can be beneficial for them.
on the other hand
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, expecting businesses to sponsor these projects may not always be fair or realistic. Large
companies
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 already have high expenses,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 employee salary, taxes, and investments in improving
company
Add an article
the company
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. financing the
community
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 with these projects could harm their financial performance.
Moreover
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, it is primarily the government’s responsibility to provide these
facilities
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, as they collect taxes from residents to meet public needs.
Instead
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 of relying entirely on business
companies
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, governments and local authorities could work with
companies
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 to share the costs and responsibilities. In conclusion,
while
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 encouraging
companies
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 to invest in
community
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facilities
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 is a good idea, it should not be seen as their primary option. A balanced approach where both businesses and governments share the responsibility would be the most effective in supporting local residents without overburdening
companies
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.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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grammar
Ensure consistency in capitalization, such as starting sentences with a capital letter.
word choice
Clarify expressions like 'facilities for chilling,' as this can be informal. Consider using phrases like 'leisure facilities.'
specificity
Consider offering more specific examples to strengthen your points, particularly in discussing government responsibilities.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
critical thinking
The argument is well-balanced, discussing both sides of the issue.
insight
The essay provides a good general overview of the roles of companies and governments in community welfare.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • health and wellbeing
  • community relations
  • goodwill
  • economic benefits
  • loyalty
  • boost local businesses
  • resource allocation
  • employee satisfaction
  • public facilities
  • core business operations
  • financial returns
  • government responsibility
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