IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people are moving to big cities these days. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of living in a large city.

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Introduction
In contemporary society, people moving into urban cities has become a trend for various reasons. Regarding
this
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 trend, it is widely debated whether it exerts positive or negative effects on individuals.
While
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this
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 phenomenon provides more
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities and activities to spend with loved ones, it
also
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 strains
one
Use synonyms
's budget and drains emotionally as well.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, living in developed regions helps
one
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 to have higher
job
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 opportunities as there are more workplaces to apply to than in rural areas.
For instance
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, in Korea, students who live in the countryside move to
Seoul
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 because it has a larger
job
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 market.
Moreover
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, big cities provide various activities to spend
time
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 with loved ones,
such
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 as shopping, cafes, fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, etc.
For example
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, many Korean couples who live in
Seoul
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 go to a
one
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-day class as their date, providing meaningful memories that
last
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 long.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, living in large cities can be overwhelming as it costs a lot of money,
such
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 as house, transportation, food and beverages, etc.
This
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 is notable as the apartments in
Seoul
Use synonyms
 cost 3 times as much as in Pohang.
In addition
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 to
this
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, city life can be emotionally draining as there is no 'alone
time
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' for each individual. Many employees in
Seoul
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 spend their
time
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 with co-workers for a better working environment.
This
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 consumes a lot of
time
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 and can become emotionally exhausting as
one
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 does not have the
time
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 to rest after work.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in modern days, the number of people moving into developed areas is continuously increasing for better
job
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 opportunities and
time
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 spent with family and friends.
In contrast
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, it brings financial pressure of handling daily budget and mental fatigue as
one
Use synonyms
 has no
time
Use synonyms
 to chill.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task and give two clear good points and two clear bad points. To make your ideas more complete, explain more about why city jobs may be better and why city life can hurt mental health.
task response
Some words are too general. For example, say “more jobs in many fields” instead of “higher job opportunities,” and say what kinds of fun things a city gives people.
task response
Your examples about Seoul are useful and on topic. Make the link to your main point clearer after each example. For example, explain that a large job market can give young people more choice.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use smoother links between ideas. You already use “Moreover” and “On the other hand” well. You can also use “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “In addition” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the city-life paragraph, separate cost and mental stress more clearly by adding a short link sentence before the second idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the body more closely. “Family and friends” is wider than the earlier point about loved ones and dates. Repeat the main ideas in a short, direct way.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of living in a large city, so the response stays on task.
task response
The Seoul and Pohang examples are clear, real-looking, and helpful for your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph starts with a clear main point, and the move from good points to bad points is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives the topic and the conclusion brings the essay to a clear end.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cost of living
  • public transportation
  • pollution
  • congestion
  • social isolation
  • cultural amenities
  • job market
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • crime rate
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