IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many
people
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 have different views that the population’s elderly population is a challenge for governments because nowadays
people
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 are now living longer than they expected. And some
people
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 argue that it is a benefit in many ways if the country becomes a society for old age person. I believe that
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 are more likely to have a drawback impact. It is undeniable that nowadays the population statistics of the elderly have many numbers compared with younger and some countries that will become
aging
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ageing
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 societies
such
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 as Japan, China, South Korea, and Thailand.
However
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, some
people
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 think it is advantageous to the country. One of the most significant reasons to support
this
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 argument is that the government can develop infrastructure and sustainable practices,
For example
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, add a slab for wheelchairs in public places, plant a tree or flower to take dioxide and create oxygen, and restrict some food or drinks to good health.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that it is difficult for authorities to solution on
this
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 problem
For instance
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, when there are many elderly it affects the state in the future because there are very few young
people
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 who are coming to improve the country.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 spend time taking care an aging
instead
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 of doing something else. The government needs to think about health care and nursing more than other benefits things
such
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 as education, tourist attractions, and public transport.
Besides
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, a teacher’s occupation will disappear
due to
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 the population of babies having a small number. In conclusion, the government should offer benefits for families when they have a baby and balance in another offer facilities for
aging
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ageing
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 who want to live longer.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
task achievement
Expand on examples and explanations to illustrate your points more concretely, making your argument clearer.
task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction and ensure it is consistently supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of the issue, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
coherence cohesion
You’ve effectively structured your essay with an introduction and conclusion, maintaining coherence throughout the response.
task achievement
The essay addresses current global examples of aging societies which contextualizes your argument well.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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