In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Sport

Use synonyms

is the main part of our life and nobody can argue

this

Linking Words

statement. Lots of

people

Use synonyms

dream about a sporting career, but despite

discipline

Add a comma

discipline,

show examples

only a few

people

Use synonyms

achieve success.

Although

Linking Words

existing cases when

people

Use synonyms

must stop their career because of issues that happened with their physical or psychological statements.

To begin

Linking Words

with the positives, all successful sportsmen are earning lots of money, showing

people

Use synonyms

their lifestyle.

This

Linking Words

includes mansions, cars, watches, clothes, expensive art restaurants, and other aspects.

Furthermore

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, all the best sportsmen can take a membership in private clubs where are

discussing

Wrong verb form

discuss

show examples

events which a simple person mustn’t know about. Their success depends on their daily routine and the games which are won.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, all attractive things have their dark side.

People

Use synonyms

don’t think about lack of sleep, lots of traumas, hard training, and the severity of personal coaching. They are a group of sportsmen who finished their careers because of untreatable trauma or passing the age of 35.

Anyway

Add the punctuation

Anyway,

show examples

people

Use synonyms

must not consider that sports

Change the verb form

are

show examples

something dangerous for reason that exists athletes with unfortunate

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. Despite all failures in professional

Use synonyms

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

, it is

necessarily

Change the word

necessary

show examples

to do even small and short physical

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

3 times a week I believe

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation will find for themselves

favourite

Correct pronoun usage

their favourite

show examples

sportsmen’s

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sportsmen

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, train every single day and in the future to meet him or her.

Linking Words

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

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all ex-professionals are going in coaches or arbiters and they are influencing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

games, performers and even rules. But in

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

Use synonyms

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

stars have

Add a missing verb

had a

show examples

big impact

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show examples

our history, improving their

sport

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make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation follow

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them and simply making our days more interesting and happy.

acaitazTue Nov 26 2024

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What works well

task achievement

The essay attempts to discuss both positive and negative sides of sports stars' fame and wealth, which is a good approach to task response.

coherence cohesion

You have an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and provide closure to your essay.

Improvement Suggestions

task achievement

To improve task response, ensure that you address both sides of the argument with equal detail and provide more specific examples to support your points. Your essay should thoroughly explore how wealth and fame can both positively and negatively impact sports and society.

coherence cohesion

Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between points. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Also, make sure you have a clear structure in each paragraph with topic sentences and concluding sentences.

supported main points

Work on elaborating your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This can help in making your arguments more convincing and grounded.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

high-profile
grassroots
advocacy
charity work
social causes
irresponsible behavior
negative influence
commercial interests
sporting spirit
profit-driven
individual star players
team achievements

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

What works well

Improvement Suggestions

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it makes people feel dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems people living in cities face? How can they be solved?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory jib or shortage of money.Others argue that it is better to try and imprive such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that studying from the past teaches nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?