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Writing Samples
Band 7

"Nowadays, students sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals?"

#students #reason #effects #individuals
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In recent years, the number of juveniles who sleep less than their predecessor has increased rapidly
due to
 students’ dealing with a large number of academic tasks
as well as
 many of them prefer time on social media
Fix the infinitive
to oversleep
show examples
oversleep
Wrong verb form
oversleeping
show examples
.
This
 essay will elucidate both the reasons and provide a personal perspective. A primary factor leading to insomnia is doing lots of homework.
This
 arises because nowadays youngsters attend extracurricular activities and in the end, get plenty of tasks at home, requiring intensive effort to fulfil in a
day
.
For instance
,
according to
 a study, 50% of extracurricular activities attendants are expected to carry out a number of tasks equal to a small book just in a
day
.
As a consequence
 of
this
, students choose to sleep fewer hours and finish their given assignments. Another reason which is worth mentioning is that teenagers are addicted to social media, including : Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok and the list goes on and on.
As a result
, students spend their time socializing with others
instead
 of getting enough sleep.
Nevertheless
, it is essential to recognize that sleeplessness has detrimental effects. Primarily,
this
 causes severe health issues
such
 as depression as lack of sleep disrupts serotonin production.
For instance
, statistic shows that 35% of people with insomnia suffer from psychological diseases because of it.
Furthermore
, it is widely accepted that insomnia causes cardiovascular diseases as lack of sleep
also
 affects your health badly. As far as I’m concerned, many of my classmates sleep less than 6 hours per
day
. I can see the consequence of it every
day
, many of them are not doing well during classes, they fall asleep very easily and many, many more.
To sum up
, I firmly assert sleeplessness causes severe health and psychological damage. Fixing your
day
 schedule, getting more than 8 hours of sleep and engaging in sports activities makes your life feel so much better.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using transition phrases more frequently to guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical inaccuracies and aim for more varied sentence structures for clarity and engagement.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses both the reasons why students sleep less and the effects of this trend on individuals.
task achievement
Specific examples and statistics are well-used to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument and provide clear direction and closure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic pressure
  • Workload
  • Screen time
  • Blue light
  • Melatonin
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Part-time jobs
  • Social factors
  • FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • Mental health
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Stress
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Circadian rhythm
What to do next:
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