Extreme sports such as sky diving and rock climbing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Nowadays, more and more dangerous activities become popular, especially among young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Unfortunately, it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

brings more deaths.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

why some believe it is necessary to forbid
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

kinds of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports

It seems that sport may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. I argue that extreme doing
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as rafting, rallying,
mountain
Correct word choice
and mountain

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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climbing help
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

relived
Verb problem
relieve

There may be a verb use issue here.

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the routine pressure,
throw
Correct word choice
and throw

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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out the adrenaline.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is necessary to better control these actions, but don’t
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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put a bun at all.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, society needs dangerous sports to distract from family or
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work

It seems that the verb works does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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problems.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

person
Correct article usage
a person

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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concentrate
Change the verb form
concentrates

The plural verb concentrate does not appear to agree with the singular subject person. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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on
danger
Correct article usage
the danger

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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act, he cannot think about anything else.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, during rally racing the driver and navigator focus only on the highway and the road.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

sportsmen can relieve all the unhappiness and troubles, which generally has a beneficial effect on mental health.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

one
Add a missing verb
is one

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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of the reasons why extreme
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports

It seems that sport may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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play
Change the verb form
plays

The plural verb play does not appear to agree with the singular subject extreme sport. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
important
Add an article
an important

The noun phrase important role seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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role and should not be prohibited.
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the great craving for extreme sports,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will always be attracted to it and will do it even illegally.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, decreases in deaths can be achieved in other less radical ways
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

government
Change preposition
as government

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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control. Dangerous activity could be certified for safety and compliance with standards.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Correct determiner usage
those participate

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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participate
Wrong verb form
participating

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb participate. Consider changing it.

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in different sports should only
prepared
Add a missing verb
be prepared

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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persons,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who

It seems that which may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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conduct specific briefings and trainings,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will allow them to be qualitatively protected. In conclusion, it is highly important
secure
Add the particle
to secure

It appears that the verb secure should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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extreme kinds of sport by suitable government policy. And at the same time leave the opportunity for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to release adrenaline in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way, and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb do appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
not keep it to themselves, because it can cause even sadder consequences.

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General
Aim to make your introduction slightly clearer. While it states your position, refining the clarity can better guide the reader from the outset.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph directly aligns with a main point from your introduction and conclusion. While this is mostly done well, some sections have ideas that wander and need clearer connection to the main argument.
Language
Improve the clarity of your ideas by minimizing minor language errors, such as verb tense inconsistencies and word choice ('relieved' instead of 'relived'). These can slightly confuse the reader.
Task Achievement
Provide more concrete and detailed examples to better support your main points and develop your ideas further, helping to make your case stronger.
Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, while advocating for not banning extreme sports entirely.
Content
You have made a good attempt to provide reasons why extreme sports are beneficial for mental health and offered some solutions to mitigate risks.
Task Achievement
It is effective the way you relate people's need for distraction through extreme sports to benefits for mental health, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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