The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Nowadays,
science
has played a crucial role for humans
in many ways, thus
science
advancement is beneficial for people
’s lives
. Although
the aim of science
is not only for people
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for living creatures including animals and plants, the usage of science
is inevitable for our lives
.
Some people
claim that scientific research
should consider holistic living lives
. For example
, medical advancement is beneficial for people
to cure disease, however
, a mouse for instance
is used for drug tests when a new medicine is introduced. If people
conduct research
only for humans
, the ignorance of other living lives
would happen and it would bring damage to nature's balance. Thus
, scientific research
needs to integrate other creature’s lives
.
On the other hand
, science
has been contributing to improving human lives
. Life expectancy rate has been improved drastically recent
years, Change preposition
in recent
this
is because scientific research
on medicine, remedies and operations has improved and thus
humans
can live longer than before. Furthermore
, many scientists think that moving to the Moon could be a solution for maintaining people
’s lives
because of the increase in population, the capability of living on the earth would be limited therefore
alternative way of living is required. Research
including gaining water and fire, cropping rice and vegetables is progressing for near the future.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that science
is one of the most important study areas for humans
. Although
applying scientific research
should not take into account people
’s ego, as a whole it could bring benefits such
as medical advancement and the possibility of living in outer space for people
.Submitted by hojoeri on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. While you have addressed multiple perspectives, making the main argument stand out more prominently can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Some sentences could be more concise and focused to strengthen the argument. Try to simplify complex structures for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively opening and closing the argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the use of medical advancements and space exploration, that add meaning to your points.
task achievement
The points around life expectancy and space exploration demonstrate clear, comprehensive ideas that are logically developed.
Your opinion
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