IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people claim many things that children are taught at school are a waste of time. Other people argue that everything taught at school is useful at some time. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that a large amount of
knowledge
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 delivered at
school
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 for
children
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 is not applicable and practical in real life .
While
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 others argue that it can still be helpful during the
time
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 of each individual.
Although
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 both views have some positivity, I agree more with the former. On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why some people believe that education at
school
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 may become a waste of
children
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's
time
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. As many subjects at
school
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 contain complex
knowledge
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 that has limited application in
real-lifelife
Correct your spelling
real-life life
real-lifelike
 conditions, it can cause unnecessary burdens for both
children
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 and teachers.
For instance
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, mathematical
knowledge
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 and techniques are mainly used for abstract calculation,
while
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 historical
knowledge
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 may not be useful in many modern fields of work.
As a result
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, it is true that many parts of
knowledge
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 that
children
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 learn at
school
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 are unnecessary and can cause a waste of
time
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.
Moreover
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, it is true that
children
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 are widely different from each other as they often show unique traits and personal interests.
However
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, a teaching program is chosen for the majority, and it often has to pick a common ground for all learners.
As a result
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, many
children
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 have to learn
knowledge
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that is
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 not motivating for them and would not be useful for their future careers.
On the other hand
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, other people believe that all
knowledge
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 still has its benefits. Some subjects like mathematics or history can boost learners' personal skill sets,
such
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 as critical thinking or imaginative capability.
Also
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,
school
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 environments can help
children
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 develop decision-making skills and problem-solving in many activities.
As a result
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, these can help them a lot in future careers as they have enough
knowledge
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 and life skills. In conclusion,
although
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 there are mixed opinions on taught
knowledge
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 at
school
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 for
children
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,I believe that
children
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 spending
time
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 at
school
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doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 mean a waste of
time
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, each subject can prove that each piece of information learned at
school
Use synonyms
 will have a positive impact on
children
Use synonyms
 life in the future.

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supporting details
Make sure the main points are well-supported with detailed examples or evidence. Currently, only general statements are provided which could be enhanced with specifics.
balance viewpoints
Try to balance the discussion of both viewpoints more evenly. The essay leans more towards criticizing the school curriculum and should address positions for its benefits in equal detail.
coherence
The transition between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
thesis statement
Clarify the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your position on the topic.
introduction conclusion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a satisfying closure to the discussion.
balanced argument
The essay attempts to present both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic's complexity.
depth of discussion
There is a good attempt to discuss the impact of the school environment on skill development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • social skills
  • well-rounded education
  • outdated curriculum
  • technological advancements
  • job market needs
  • subject relevance
  • career paths
  • diverse skill set
  • knowledge base
What to do next:
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