IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays people believe that governments should invest tax payers money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax #payers #money #healthcare #areas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today many would argue that taxes should be used primarily for healthcare, at the same time others would say that there are a lot of other areas which need financial support.
This
 essay will review arguments from both sides and provide my own opinion.
Firstly
, a healthy population should be a priority for politicians.
Moreover
, all individuals deserve equal medical help and attention. There are people who cannot afford to pay their medical bills or buy medicines; they could use health programs provided by the government.
In addition
, there are many countries where doctors and nurses are struggling because of low salaries,
for example
, it is definitely a problem for Belarus. They love their jobs, but they could be overwhelmed by the amount of patients, paperwork and long work hours.
This
 problem could be solved by investing more money into healthcare.
On the other hand
, there are other institutes which require more funds.
For instance
, we cannot forget about educational
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 which could use better study materials and equipment, some schools and universities could be renovated.
Furthermore
, teachers and professors are underappreciated and their salaries must be increased. There is no area which could be ignored by the governments in advance for medical care. In an ideal world, countries might be able to cut military expenses, but obviously,
this
 is an optimistical proposal in the current political situation. In conclusion, I believe that it is possible to find a way to invest more money in people's health, but there are a lot of other social institutes which should not be forgotten. My suggestion would be to cut politicians' salaries and decrease entertainment, police and military
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
, we can celebrate when all social issues will be solved.
Submitted by totora246 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs transition smoothly with linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Expand on examples in order to provide a deeper understanding of the points made.
task achievement
Make sure each idea is explored thoroughly with evidence or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively opening and closing the discussion.
task achievement
Both viewpoints are addressed comprehensively with relevant points.
task achievement
Maintains a balanced approach to discussing the importance of healthcare and other essential areas, presenting a nuanced personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: