In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?
A significant number of
people
out there hold the perception that the habits of some people
have changed sharply and as a result
, it has a negative impact on family friendships. This
essay shall discuss the merits and the demerits of this
situation and further
bring to bear the reasons why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in the following paragraphs after which a logical conclusion will be drawn.
To begin
with, there are a myriad of advantages to this
phenomenon however
the one which is worth mentioning is that it increases concentration. This
is done to the fact that when an individual exhibits the habit of changing a lifetime, his level of focus is at its peak because the rate of socializing with other people
will dwindle. This
not only enables depict a successful life but also
reduces bad peer pressure. For instance
, a survey was conducted by an organisation in Africa and revealed that the vast majority of people
who are successful in life are those who are able to keep focus as always vary their lifestyles.
Nonetheless
, there are a lot of disadvantages to this
trend. Firstly
, it leads to poor socialization with friends. If humankind exhibits the attitude of changing their life, bad friendships emerge. For example
, Health workers have a busy schedule and this
has actually varied their lifetime. They run different shifts as a result
, they end up not getting time to communicate with their families which subsequently
leads to poor family relationships.
In conclusion, after analyzing the pros and cons, I totally believe that the disadvantages considerably outweigh the advantages. Nevertheless
, I recommend that governments of various nations should make working hours flexible for their citizens. This
will enable people
to have strong bonds with their counterparts.Submitted by mboadi211 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, it fails to satisfactorily discuss why the disadvantages might outweigh the advantages. It would be beneficial to more explicitly compare the positive and negative aspects, perhaps by using comparative language and dedicating a paragraph to the juxtaposition of these ideas. This would provide a clearer representation of the writer's view and ensure a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay features an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be more effectively utilized. Introduce the topic more precisely by stating the main argument directly, with clear thesis and outline statements. The conclusion should not introduce new recommendations but summarise the points made and reiterate the writer's opinion. To improve coherence, ensure a logical sequence of ideas with well-structured paragraphs and clear topic sentences for each.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, the essay should use a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonyms, and reference words to ensure seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Be particularly careful with the use of pronouns to avoid ambiguity and ensure connectivity within and between sentences.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?