In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people’s #lifestyles #aﬀects #relationships #developments

A significant number of

people

out there hold the perception that the habits of some

people

have changed sharply and

as a result

, it has a negative impact on family friendships.

This

essay shall discuss the merits and the demerits of

this

situation and

further

bring to bear the reasons why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in the following paragraphs after which a logical conclusion will be drawn.

To begin

with, there are a myriad of advantages to

this

phenomenon

however

the one which is worth mentioning is that it increases concentration.

This

is done to the fact that when an individual exhibits the habit of changing a lifetime, his level of focus is at its peak because the rate of socializing with other

people

will dwindle.

This

not only enables depict a successful life but

also

reduces bad peer pressure.

For instance

, a survey was conducted by an organisation in Africa and revealed that the vast majority of

people

who are successful in life are those who are able to keep focus as always vary their lifestyles.

Nonetheless

, there are a lot of disadvantages to

this

trend.

Firstly

, it leads to poor socialization with friends. If humankind exhibits the attitude of changing their life, bad friendships emerge.

For example

, Health workers have a busy schedule and

this

has actually varied their lifetime. They run different shifts

as a result

, they end up not getting time to communicate with their families which

subsequently

leads to poor family relationships. In conclusion, after analyzing the pros and cons, I totally believe that the disadvantages considerably outweigh the advantages.

Nevertheless

, I recommend that governments of various nations should make working hours flexible for their citizens.

This

will enable

people

to have strong bonds with their counterparts.

Submitted by mboadi211 on Mon Dec 18 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

While the essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, it fails to satisfactorily discuss why the disadvantages might outweigh the advantages. It would be beneficial to more explicitly compare the positive and negative aspects, perhaps by using comparative language and dedicating a paragraph to the juxtaposition of these ideas. This would provide a clearer representation of the writer's view and ensure a stronger argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay features an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be more effectively utilized. Introduce the topic more precisely by stating the main argument directly, with clear thesis and outline statements. The conclusion should not introduce new recommendations but summarise the points made and reiterate the writer's opinion. To improve coherence, ensure a logical sequence of ideas with well-structured paragraphs and clear topic sentences for each.

coherence cohesion

To improve cohesion, the essay should use a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonyms, and reference words to ensure seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Be particularly careful with the use of pronouns to avoid ambiguity and ensure connectivity within and between sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate. Therefore, people are losing their ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this contemporary world, mobile phones have become integral part of lifestyle. People are using it for communication purposes. Some people believe that due to these devices, individuals are not confortable in face to face conversations. Although, I agree that the modern technology has changed the way of communication but they are not the only reason behind less physical interaction.
<4
band
The graphs below ptovide information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2000 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2000 and 2010.
The bar graphs below provide details about the percentage of laptop owners as well as their level of education between 2000 and 2010. Units are measured in percentages.
7
band
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
There is widespread concern over recent declines in global biodiversity. In my opinion, the clearest causes relate to human overpopulation and the solutions are for governments to prioritize conservation reforms.
6
band
Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is commonly argued that some people believe that History play a significant role in school topic for students, while the opposing view asserts that, nowadays,the other core subjects exist like : Science aswell as Technologyin, which they are more vital for learning.. agree with the first point of view ,since I reckon that the history of a nation is it's identification and we should know a bout our ancestors and appreciate them ,so I will assert my compelling reasons in the following paragraph.
5
band
In some cultures, children are more often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some nations, children are informed that they work hard to gain anything. The subsequent paragraphs will explore some the benefits and drawbacks of informing children that they try hard to get anything.

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate. Therefore, people are losing their ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The graphs below ptovide information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2000 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2000 and 2010.

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some cultures, children are more often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?