In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

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A significant number of

people

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out there hold the perception that the habits of some

people

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have changed sharply and

as a result

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, it has a negative impact on family friendships.

This

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essay shall discuss the merits and the demerits of

this

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situation and

further

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bring to bear the reasons why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in the following paragraphs after which a logical conclusion will be drawn.

To begin

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with, there are a myriad of advantages to

this

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phenomenon

however

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the one which is worth mentioning is that it increases concentration.

This

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is done to the fact that when an individual exhibits the habit of changing a lifetime, his level of focus is at its peak because the rate of socializing with other

people

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will dwindle.

This

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not only enables depict a successful life but

also

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reduces bad peer pressure.

For instance

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, a survey was conducted by an organisation in Africa and revealed that the vast majority of

people

Use synonyms

who are successful in life are those who are able to keep focus as always vary their lifestyles.

Nonetheless

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, there are a lot of disadvantages to

this

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trend.

Firstly

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, it leads to poor socialization with friends. If humankind exhibits the attitude of changing their life, bad friendships emerge.

For example

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, Health workers have a busy schedule and

this

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has actually varied their lifetime. They run different shifts

as a result

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, they end up not getting time to communicate with their families which

subsequently

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leads to poor family relationships. In conclusion, after analyzing the pros and cons, I totally believe that the disadvantages considerably outweigh the advantages.

Nevertheless

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, I recommend that governments of various nations should make working hours flexible for their citizens.

This

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will enable

people

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to have strong bonds with their counterparts.

mboadi211Mon Dec 18 2023

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task achievement

While the essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, it fails to satisfactorily discuss why the disadvantages might outweigh the advantages. It would be beneficial to more explicitly compare the positive and negative aspects, perhaps by using comparative language and dedicating a paragraph to the juxtaposition of these ideas. This would provide a clearer representation of the writer's view and ensure a stronger argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay features an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be more effectively utilized. Introduce the topic more precisely by stating the main argument directly, with clear thesis and outline statements. The conclusion should not introduce new recommendations but summarise the points made and reiterate the writer's opinion. To improve coherence, ensure a logical sequence of ideas with well-structured paragraphs and clear topic sentences for each.

coherence cohesion

To improve cohesion, the essay should use a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonyms, and reference words to ensure seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Be particularly careful with the use of pronouns to avoid ambiguity and ensure connectivity within and between sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Your opinion

Some people think that young people should follow social traditions. Others think that they should be free to have their own way of living and behaving. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages.