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Band 7.5

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #success #career #education
We live in a competitive society, where
success
 is often measured by our accomplishments. Some people believe that being successful is tied to one's career or educational achievements. But is that the only standard by which we should measure
success
? It's likely that there are numerous ways to define it, as there are so many diverse individuals in the world. For some,
success
 may equate to finding happiness in their lives; for others, it might mean enjoying the activities they engage in. In my view,
success
 is a blend of various factors, including happiness, well-being, and a stress-free lifestyle. Every perspective on
success
 holds its own validity. In certain cultures,
for instance
,
success
 is synonymous with earning a bachelor's degree in fields like Medicine or Law, as these professions are often associated with the highest salaries in countries
such
 as the United States. In China,
for example
, children face immense pressure to pursue these careers, with the belief that it will elevate their status in society.
Conversely
, there are those who define
success
 as engaging in activities that bring them joy,
such
 as sports, cooking, or reading.
Consequently
, it has become increasingly common to encourage children to explore various interests in order to discover what truly makes them happy. In my opinion, being a successful person is closely tied to finding joy in both the possessions we have and the activities we engage in daily. I admire individuals who tirelessly pursue their dreams, regardless of how many attempts it takes to achieve them.
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coherence cohesion
To improve further, try to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Making sure each idea flows smoothly into the next will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
For a stronger task response, include more specific examples to back up your points. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, but try to diversify your language and sentence structures a bit more. This can make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, offering multiple perspectives on what success means to different people. This is a good demonstration of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments. You've done well in organizing your thoughts coherently.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your stance on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
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