IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

If financially possible， is it always better for young people to leave home and be independent at the age of 18

#possible， #people #home #age
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It’s
 argued that
it’s
 a better choice for young
people
 at the age of 18 to leave
home
 and become independent. I completely agree with
this
 idea. Young
people
 always live with their
parents
 before 18
years
 old, and they really expect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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freedom and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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control over their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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.
It’s
 never too early for young
people
at
Change preposition
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18
years
 old to be independent. Living with
parents
 can be restricted, young
people
 may be limited by the family and cannot do whatever they want to do.
Parents
 sometimes can influence
on
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apply
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the decision made , and even force children to do the things they don’t want to do.
However
, young
people
 cannot be protected by their
parents
 forever, they have to grow up. Normally, young
people
 at 18
years
 old go to university or go directly to work.
It’s
 a good
time
 for them to learn how to be independent and control their lives. Learning to be independent at 18
years
 old is an excellent opportunity for them to develop good habits and
widening
Wrong verb form
widen
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 the list of contacts. After leaving
home
, young
people
 can look for a part-
time
 job to financially support themselves. They learn how to manage their
time
 to study and to work.
Also
, they know it cannot be easy to make money, and they even learn to manage their money by making a budget. During these processes, young
people
 can become more willing to take responsibility.
It’s
 the
time
 for them to learn how to make helpful friends. Since young
people
 are far from
home
, friends are useful when they
meet
Verb problem
encounter
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troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
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. In conclusion, I believe
it’s
 a better
time
 for young
people
 at 18
years
 old to leave
home
 and be independent.
Submitted by hhhakfatkiu on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples to support your arguments, such as citing studies or personal experiences illustrating the challenges and benefits of independence at 18.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more diverse linking words and phrases to guide readers through your points more fluently.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant and support the main argument effectively, providing a comprehensive response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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