Sport is one of the most draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree wit this view?

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There is no denying the fact that physical
activities
are essential to build a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
body for
youngsters
.
While
it is a
commenly
Correct your spelling
commonly
held belief that the practice of displaying
sports
on
television
is to blame for the poor
health
of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation by encouraging them to watch rather than participate in these
activities
, there is
also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I'm
convinsed
Correct your spelling
convinced
that
sports
activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
must
implement
Wrong verb form
be implemented
show examples
by young
people
to enhance their
health
and showing
sports
on
television
may influence them to practise
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
sport
. To elaborate, young
people
are growing faster and to ensure that their
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
is healthy, they must
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
some physical
activities
in their daily
scheduel
Correct your spelling
schedule
.
In other words
, studies have proven that physical activity is crucial to increase the
health
of their bones and muscles.
In addition
, their character will
developed
Change the verb form
be developed
develop
show examples
with their muscles.
For example
, building their bodies will let them feel more comfortable and
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
television
is an essential tool so showing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
will influence
youngsters
to participate in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. It is
also
possible to say that, the rate of training
youngsters
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
increasing
due to
the
television
impact.
Moreover
, the majority of young
people
dreaming
Wrong verb form
dream
show examples
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
professional in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
to be popular.
For instance
,
youngsters
are copying football stars moves when they play football. In conclusion, I tend to believe that
television
is an essential tool to
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
young
people
to partake in physical activity and showing
sports
will influence and aware them.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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spelling grammar
Improve spelling and grammatical accuracy. Certain words, like 'common', 'convinced', 'schedule', and 'encourage' are misspelled. Focusing on these errors will improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Though you have a clear thesis, ensure each paragraph connects directly to the thesis and transitions smoothly between points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in relation to how television influences youth physical activity.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively presenting the topic and summarizing your point of view.
support
The main ideas are present and are supported with explanations and examples, such as the influence of TV on the popularity of sports.
approach
The essay takes a balanced approach by considering both sides of the argument and effectively defending your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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