IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Overseas visitors to three different areas in European countries between 1987 and 2007

#visitors #three #areas #european #countries
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The line graph illustrates how many times three main tourism hotspots were travelled by tourists in a European country in a 20-year period. Looking at the
overall
Linking Words
 structure, it is readily apparent that all travel
areas
Use synonyms
 experienced an increase during the timeframe.
Both
Change preposition
In both
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initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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 period and ultimate years the coast had the highest proportion of visitors. Looking at the graph in more detail, in 1987 the shore
areas
Use synonyms
 had the highest amount at 40, till 1992 it underwent slightly to 35,
while
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 by 2007 the rate had risen to 75. The mountain spots started at 20 in 1987, indicated negligible changes during the timeframe, and ended at 35 in 2007. The lakes’ venues were the least preferred
areas
Use synonyms
 in the initial period.
However
Linking Words
, it witnessed a sharp increase by 2002, surpassing other
areas
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 timeframe, but experienced a significant decrease from 2002 to 2007, ending at 50 in 2007.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific details such as actual numbers or percentages from the graph to enhance the clarity of your key points.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is mostly well-structured, aim to maintain a more consistent tone throughout for smoother reading.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends over the 20-year period.
coherence cohesion
The separate analysis of each tourist area is clear and logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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