Some people think that child care centres provide the best services for children of pre school age.other working parents think that family members such as grand parents will be better careers for their kids.discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Good parenting is very significant for
children
's growth, some people think that
daycare
gives the best services for
children
's needs. Meanwhile, I firmly agree that
ivolving
Correct your spelling
involving
evolving
family members like
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
parents
will engage
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
a better future for kids.
This
essay will examine some key points for both views.
To begin
with,
initially
Add a comma
initially,
show examples
every child needs full
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
from their
parents
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
at
their
Change the word
a
show examples
young age.
For some
Change preposition
Some
show examples
working
parents
, they believe that a
child
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
care
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
the best services for their
children
, considering that
daycare
has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
own regulations,
establish
Correct subject-verb agreement
establishes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
envirountments
Correct your spelling
environments
environment
, and
hiring
Wrong verb form
hires
show examples
some
profesionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
to take
care
of their
children
.
Additionally
, the
care
centres have official
licence
Fix the agreement mistake
licences
show examples
and
reqistered
Verb problem
are required
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
Add an article
the ministry
show examples
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
of
education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
under
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
, which have
bounde
Correct your spelling
bound
bounded
to laws.
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
regulations things build
trust
Add an article
the trust
show examples
of
parents
to leave their
children
at
daycare
.
For example
, if there
anything
Add a missing verb
is anything
show examples
happend
Correct your spelling
happens
to their
children
during
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
time,
parents
have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to sue the
daycare
body.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that leaving
children
to a family member is the best
way
for
chilrens'
Correct your spelling
children'
growth
such
as
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
parents
,
uncle
Fix the agreement mistake
uncles
show examples
, or other family members. it is undeniable that people will
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
more
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
and genuinely take
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
their own
bloods
Change the wording
blood
types of blood
drops of blood
show examples
, no matter what. so
thats
Correct your spelling
that's why
show examples
way
working
parents
can put their trust 100% and more focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their work. In conclusion,
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
is a good choice to leave
children
while
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
are working, because it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
a legit license, so we can trust them to take
care
of
children
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
I firmly agree that a family member is the best
way
to take
care
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
while
their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
working, because
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
will genuinely
care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
them, and they will teach them in a good
way
to be a better person in future.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on providing more in-depth examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide more clarity to your essay.
writing mechanics
Improve sentence structures and refine grammar to enhance readability. Pay attention to minor mistakes that might distract the reader.
coherence cohesion
Enhance paragraph structuring for a more logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and smoothly transition to the next.
task achievement
You clearly address both sides of the argument, which is a strong way to tackle the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state your position, which aids in understanding your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your essay outlines several relevant points in discussing the topic, providing a balanced view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: