IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#individuals #guns #increases #crime #violence #society
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In many countries, laws are flexible to let citizens carry
firearms
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while
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 in many others, it is quite difficult to get a license, even for a notable person, to possess and carry a
gun
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. It is often said that when a state or
country
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 allows its citizens to carry weapons,
crime
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 and
violence
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increase
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 and
therefore
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 individuals should not be allowed to carry
firearms
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. I quite agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay attempts to explain why.
First,
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guns
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 are meant to shoot someone either to wound or kill that person even in instances of self-defence.
Thus
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 the very objective of a
gun
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 is to kill a person and
thus
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this
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 deathly weapon can only
increase
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crime
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 and
violence
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 in society. To understand how the mass ownership of
guns
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 can
increase
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 the
violence
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 in a
country
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 we can compare a
country
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 like the USA, where carrying a
gun
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 is allowed, with a
country
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 like Japan, where it is restricted. In 2018, when the United States experienced over 24,000
gun
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-related homicides, Japan had only 21 and
this
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 is quite an alarming comparison that reveals how
firearms
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 ownership by mass
people
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 can
increase
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violence
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 in a
country
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.
Moreover
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, research indicates that owning and carrying a
gun
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 can psychologically affect our behaviours and
thus
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people
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 often commit crimes only because they have
guns
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 with them.
Thus
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 letting
people
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 carry
guns
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 puts others' lives at risk rather than ensuring safety for all. Accidental, psychological, and family
violence
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 gunshot wounds and deaths are quite high in countries where
people
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 can carry
guns
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 with them, and the only way to reduce
such
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crime
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 rates is not allowing
people
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 to own and carry
guns
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 on their wish. In conclusion, allowing
people
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 to carry
guns
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 actually increases crimes,
violence
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 and casualties rather than ensuring public safety.
Thus
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 there is no doubt that
people
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 in a
country
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 should not be allowed to carry
firearms
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 and restricting it would significantly decrease
crime
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 and
violence
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.
Submitted by hhhakfatkiu on

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task response
Strengthen the concluding sentences of each paragraph to reinforce the main point you are making.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
task response
You provided relevant examples like comparing the USA and Japan to support your arguments, which adds a layer of depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points.
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