IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Internet addiction How serious is this problem among young people where you live, and what can be done about it?

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The
Internet
Use synonyms
 is now a
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 used network, which many can’t imagine their life without. It is the main source of current information,
news
Correct word choice
and news
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 globally, which provides many opportunities to
people
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 - learning, work, relaxation etc. But what other influence does it have on us? Let’s say it can be addicting for some. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to try new things and it can be inquiring, but
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some downsides.
For example
Linking Words
, these days more schools are choosing to teach pupils and students using the
internet
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, over old - learning by book way.
This
Linking Words
 easy access to the
internet
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 leads to an overuse of it and carves the path to an addiction. And
how
Correct word choice
as
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 many
knows
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know
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, addiction, especially for young
people
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, can take up much time, if not years. All around us are probably 9 in 10 kids obsessed with
this
Linking Words
 network without even thinking of it. Overuse of it is usually defended by the teenager's known phrase “
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 studying with it” or something similar. But what can be done about it? Well,
firstly
Linking Words
, there should be some kind of a system teaching young age
people
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 safe usage of the
internet
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. Because it’s common to not let your mobile phone out of your hands all day, to sleep with and do many activities
with
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without
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 unnecessary carrying it around.
This
Linking Words
 system should begin in the kindergartens and offer programs for pupils like how they can
self actualize
Add a hyphen
self-actualize
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 without needing to use the
internet
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 for fun and learn in other ways. Another way could be that parents should be encouraged to put some more effort into their kid’s life
,
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apply
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 and be more attentive. But mainly, we should all watch ourselves and preserve a more
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internet free
Add a hyphen
internet-free
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 lifestyle.
Ofcourse
Correct your spelling
Of course
,
this
Linking Words
 type of addiction may be seen as just a little obsession and shouldn’t be thought of, but
to be said
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apply
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in truth, it is a weakness many
people
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 from a young age
suffer
Verb problem
apply
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now
with
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apply
show examples
and it is because of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easy access to it and
normalize
Wrong verb form
normalised
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 overuse. Not only parents but
also
Linking Words
 communities should put more effort
in
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into
show examples
 preventing it.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider tightening the logical flow of your arguments to improve the logical structure. This will help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments. This will help support the points you make and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Task Response
Clarify some of your ideas for a more comprehensive understanding. For instance, exploring more deeply why internet addiction is particularly serious among young people in your area and what this signifies could enrich your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your main viewpoint and final thoughts on the matter.
Task Response
You've correctly identified a significant issue of internet addiction among young people and suggested practical solutions, evidencing purposeful task engagement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Internet addiction
  • excessive use
  • mental health
  • academic performance
  • digital devices
  • online presence
  • sleep disturbances
  • social isolation
  • productivity
  • digital literacy
  • healthy online habits
  • time management
  • boundaries
  • outdoor activities
  • face-to-face interactions
  • counseling
  • support groups
  • coping strategies
What to do next:
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