Some people believe that children should do sports so that they will grow up as healthy adults, but others feel sports are just about enjoying yourself. Discuss these both views and give your own opinion.

Doing exercises by
children
has been a vital topic of debate.
While
some people believe that doing
sports
can help
children
as young adults become healthy, others believe that
sports
should be just classified as enjoyable
activities
. Both sides of the argument highlight noticeable points which will be discussed, followed by my own perspective. First of all, doing
sports
can offer various benefits to individuals, particularly
children
.
Thus
, these
activities
not only can help
children
to stay fit but
also
can contribute to
overall
mental and physical well-being. A prime illustration of
this
is a
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
boy who does
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercises
show examples
such
as playing basketball games in a regular basic routine, so
this
boy as a young adult will stay fit and healthy,
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
show examples
his
schedules
Fix the agreement mistake
schedule
show examples
constantly.
Moreover
, doing
sports
can be a real boon to prevent individuals from a variety of diseases
such
as obesity.
Conversely
, some people argue that doing
sports
should be classified as enjoyable
activities
for
children
.
Therefore
, these
activities
can result in squandering
time
.
Thus
, if
children
devote excessive
time
to studying rather than doing
sports
, they will achieve various successes in the future.
For instance
, some
children
spend countless times going to the gym every day. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending a lot of money,
this
daily commute can lead to harmful consequences for
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
such
as increasing carbon emission footprints.
Additionally
, if
children
dedicate
this
excessive
time
through their extracurricular, it will significantly lead to improving their personalities and self-esteem. In conclusion, there are various opinions about doing exercises
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
.
Although
some people believe that it is a real boon to grow their personalities and confidence, others argue that it is a waste of
time
and should be considered as an enjoyable activity. I strongly advocate
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the first view and believe that
children
should do
sports
to enhance their
prosperities
Replace the word
prosperity
show examples
and health.
Submitted by mahanz on

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task achievement
Ensure that your supporting examples are detailed enough to illustrate your points clearly. Try to provide precise examples that directly connect with your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistent coherence by clearly linking ideas between paragraphs and transitions. Try using linking words like 'in addition,' 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'consequently.'
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, thoroughly balance both viewpoints and allocate a specific section to express your stance.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, succinctly setting the context and summarizing the arguments.
logical structure
The arguments are logically structured, with each paragraph addressing a specific point; this shows good organization skills.
task achievement
The essay responds well to the task with a clear discussion of both views and a solid personal opinion.
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