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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#unemployment #rates #japan #march #report #university #lecturer #information
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The line chart provides information about the unemployment rates in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 between
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the unemployment rates in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 showed different trends. The percentage of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 in the US tended to decrease, but the percentage of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the opposite trend. It tended to increase.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph,
firstly
Linking Words
, the rate of unemployed workforce in the US started at the highest in 1993,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 7,0. The number fell to 5,5% in 1995, and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
continued with fluctuating percentages until 1997 to under 5,5%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it slowly continued upward to nearly 4,0% in 1999.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 was soaring progressively between
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1996. It began from above 2,0% and moved up to 3,5% in 1996, After a slight dip in 1996, it sustained at nearly the same level till
March
Use synonyms
 1998.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 1998, a substantial increment happened until it reached its peak in
March
Use synonyms
 1999.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, both of them met at almost the same level of 4,5% between the years 1998 to 1999.
Although
Linking Words
, it was an improvement for
Japan
Use synonyms
, and for the US, it was a decline. In conclusion, the unemployment ratio for the US was always higher than
Japan
Use synonyms
's percentage except in the
last
Linking Words
 year when
Japan
Use synonyms
 got more figures.
Submitted by imeldarosari6 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, march with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • graph
  • trend
  • changes
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • findings
  • observations
  • data
  • statistics
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