IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #care #think #service #government
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In more than one country medical
care
Use synonyms
 is not free, but some
people
Use synonyms
 state that the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay for it. In my opinion, medical
care
Use synonyms
 treatments ought to be provided by the
government
Use synonyms
 for those who cannot afford them,
while
Linking Words
 others should for their
care
Use synonyms
. In my view, it is fundamental to
be considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 that
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will always need medical
care
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 treatments but not everyone can afford them.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, I consider
unethical
Correct pronoun usage
it unethical
show examples
 to guarantee these practices only to those who are able to afford them. To give an example,
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from diabetes are increasing all over the world and usually, they need more than one insulin injection each day.
However
Linking Words
, insulin can be really expensive and some of these
people
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 may not have enough money. The
government
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 should provide equal treatment to the population, so it should pay for those who cannot afford insulin injections.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some might argue that in
this
Linking Words
 way the
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure will certainly be higher and the economy will be affected in a negative way. I understand
this
Linking Words
 point of view but there is another point that cannot be avoided. Unhealthy
people
Use synonyms
 may be unable to work, and if someone does not work not only he does not pay taxes, but
in addition
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should maintain him.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I think that the economy will suffer more if the
government
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 does not provide medical
care
Use synonyms
 for poor
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree only to an extent with those who say that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide medical
care
Use synonyms
 for everyone because I think that it should help those who are unable to pay for their treatments.
Submitted by alessandrorepola.repola on

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task achievement
Try to maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay to avoid any ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which lay out and summarize the main arguments effectively.
task achievement
Strong use of a relevant example with diabetes and insulin injections to support the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
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