IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, many
governments
Use synonyms
 have been spending a large portion of their financial resources on
space
Use synonyms
 travel. It is argued that these
budgets
Use synonyms
 are being wasted and
instead
Linking Words
 should be used to improve other aspects of the countries. I would totally agree with
this
Linking Words
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
due to
Linking Words
 the risks caused by
space
Use synonyms
 travelling and the upgrades that can be done using the money
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on the journey. One of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that exploring
space
Use synonyms
 can have a lot of risks both in finance and human lives. When a
space
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 journey is planned, millions of dollars have to be spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 building infrastructures and rockets needed to travel to
space
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, as people are needed to
do exploration
Verb problem
explore
show examples
 in
space
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, human passengers are sent to
space
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, where the environmental conditions and atmospheric pressure are totally different from the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
, posing threats
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those
passengers
Change noun form
passengers'
show examples
 health and welfare. Another reason is that utilizing those
budgets
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 and human forces
on improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 society can
provide
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a great difference.
This
Linking Words
 means that there are many problems happening globally, demanding
governments
Use synonyms
' financial help,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty, homelessness and famine. By using the money spent on travelling to
space
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on solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
 these problems,
governments
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 can contribute to a perfect community.
As a result
Linking Words
, our society would become more complete and peaceful in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 of life, leading people to be more productive at their work and boosting the advancements in technological and economic fields. In conclusion, it can be seen that the expenditure of
governments
Use synonyms
 on
space
Use synonyms
 research has been increasing. It is claimed that
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend these
budgets
Use synonyms
 for their countries
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting on
space
Use synonyms
 travel. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea since the costs of
this
Linking Words
 travelling and the positive impacts of using
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
show examples
 to improve people's lives are obvious.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to improve the fluency of your ideas by using a wider range of linking words. This will help your essay to flow more naturally and enhance cohesion.
Task Achievement
Focus on adding personal anecdotes or hypothetical examples to make your arguments more compelling and relatable. This will help you achieve a higher score in providing relevant specific examples.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance in agreement with the argument and provides logical reasons to support the view, which contributes strongly to task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which helps in framing the argument effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points are logically supported throughout the essay, demonstrating effective use of coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
What to do next:
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