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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the way in which water used in different countries in 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the way in which water used in different countries in 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #water #countries #summaries #features #comparisons
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The Image provided above depicts two different charts. The pie chart gives information about 3 main
sectores
Correct your spelling
sectors
 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sweet
water
Use synonyms
 around the globe in 2000. The second one, the bar graph, shows the
water
Use synonyms
 consumption patterns in the four countries for the same year.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, over
two-third
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two-thirds
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 of
water
Use synonyms
 was utilized in
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
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sectore
Correct your spelling
sector
sectors
 which was the highest proportion among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
sectores
Correct your spelling
sectors
.
Second,
Linking Words
22% of the total
water
Use synonyms
 usage was for producing commodities in the industries.
lastly
Linking Words
, despite the alerts of using
water
Use synonyms
 frugally in urban areas, people around the
word
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world
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 consumed the lowest proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 in their houses, 8 per cent. Now turning our attention to the bar chart,
Although
Linking Words
 the agricultural activities used the most significant proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 in India(92%) and China(69%), in Canada, four-fifth were consumed in
industrial
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the industrial
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 section.
In addition
Linking Words
, in New Zealand, domestic and agricultural usage nearly consumed
equivalent
Correct article usage
an equivalent
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 amount, 44 per cent and 46 % respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, countries' accumulated consumptions of
water
Use synonyms
 were concentrated on agricultural activities, and India and China had the same consumption patterns.
In addition
Linking Words
, industries
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 more
water
Use synonyms
 in Canada.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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