IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
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Some argue that
,
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apply
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 to prevent illness
govrnments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should focus more on reducing
environtal
Correct your spelling
environmental
 pollution and housing problems. I
thinks
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think
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this
poit
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point
post
it
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apply
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is true because it's the main reason. To commence with, now all
people
 use
transpation
Correct your spelling
transportation
translation
,
such
 as
,
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apply
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car
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cars
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,
bus
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buses
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, and
taxi
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taxis
show examples
.
As well as
 it causes
air
 pollution
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
of
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apply
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people
's health. To illustrate,
people
 in India ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are using transport every
days
Change to a singular noun
day
show examples
, and the
air
 is not pure, and it will cause
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
of
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in
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 breathing for individuals.
Also
, they have
use
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to use
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 oil and gas all
days
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day
show examples
, so that will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
of
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apply
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their breath and heart.
Additionally
,
in
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apply
show examples
these days
people
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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big houses in the cities,
therefore
 it causes
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
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 their health.
For instance
, in Oman , there are a lot of
bulidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
, but
people
 can't
to
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apply
show examples
find healthy
air
.
However
, in cities, there
no
Add a missing verb
is no
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 balance
amonge
Correct your spelling
among
 of homes,
this
 is a big
problem
 for
people
, as old
people
 and kids , they can't
breath
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breathe
show examples
naturely
Correct your spelling
naturally
.
To sum up
, the government should find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution to avoid
this
problem
 , because
people
 need to find health to continue their life ,
as well as
 the pure
air
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them feel
comefortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
.
Submitted by Loody on

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grammar
Try to avoid small spelling mistakes, such as 'govrnments' instead of 'governments'.
task achievement
Work on developing each main idea with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the ideas presented flow logically from one to another, and try to enhance the link between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a clear introduction that states your stance.
coherence and cohesion
There is a conclusion that neatly wraps up the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: