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Writing Samples
Band 6

[Studies show that many criminals do not receive enough education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them rather than punish them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.]

Some studies suggest that a lack of
education
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 is a significant factor contributing to criminal behaviour.
While
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 some believe that punishment is the best way to reduce
crime
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, I strongly agree that providing
education
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 is a more effective and sustainable solution.
Education
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 plays a crucial role in preventing
crime
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 before it happens. When young people receive proper
education
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, they are more likely to develop critical thinking skills, understand the consequences of their actions, and find better life opportunities.
For example
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, school programs that teach ethics, empathy, and social responsibility can significantly lower the risk of youth becoming involved in criminal activities.
Moreover
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,
education
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 is often more cost-effective in the long run compared to maintaining prisons and law enforcement systems.
In addition
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, educating existing offenders can help prevent repeat crimes. Studies have shown that many prisoners have low literacy levels and limited access to
education
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. By offering rehabilitation programs focused on literacy, job training, and personal development, we can reduce the likelihood of reoffending.
In contrast
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, punishment alone often fails to address the root causes of
crime
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 and may even reinforce negative behaviours, especially when individuals feel alienated from society. In conclusion,
while
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 punishment may sometimes be necessary, I believe that
education
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 is a far more effective tool in reducing
crime
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. It not only prevents potential criminals from turning to illegal actions but
also
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 helps current offenders reintegrate into society and lead more productive lives.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to illustrate your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the tone for your argument and provides a strong opinion.
task achievement
You have successfully explained how education can help reduce crime and provided some relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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