IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

nowadays the way many people intract with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? has this become a positive or negative development?

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The mode of
comminucating
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communicating
 among
individuals
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 has been impacted by
technology
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. Different
platforms
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 and applications have made profound changes in
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types
Correct article usage
the types
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 of
relationship
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relationships
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people
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 make. In my opinion, these changes can be considered a negative
development
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. Obviously,
people
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's interactions
in
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apply
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all around the world have varied. The increasing number of
individuals
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 is more engaging with
a
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apply
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diverse
types
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 of
platforms
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 like Skype, Google
meet
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Meet
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 and other apps.
Technology
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 especially social
media
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 and messaging apps, has made it difficult to trust
on
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apply
show examples
people
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. As it is common to pretend
being
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to be
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 a person who you are not in real life and
also
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 to put a mask on your real personality, trusting
on
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apply
show examples
people
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 via social
media
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 is harmful.
For example
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, you have found a friend in an app, you talked to her for a
while
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then
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realizing
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realised
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 her profile is fake.
Therefore
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, your friendship is spoiled. The ways that
technology
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 has affected
types
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relationships
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of relationships
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 can be summarized by the influence of different social
platforms
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, making
people
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 appear untrustworthy in each other's eyes. Making unreliable
relationships
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 and because of its flashy contents, preventing
people
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 from visiting each other face to face and
finally
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 getting depressed would be likely consequences of
this
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development
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. So it is better to consider
as
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it as
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 a negative
development
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. Facilitated ways
for
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of
show examples
 communicating
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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people
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 feel isolated and neglected because
instead
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 of making a lot of casual acquaintances,
individuals
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 are getting used to temporary friendships. They may make a lot of friends in a day,
however
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, many of them are just fake accounts.
Thus
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, not only
people
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 do not have permanent
relationships
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 but
also
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 they cannot trust friends
knowing
Change the verb form
to know
show examples
 them via social
media
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 and other
platforms
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. In conclusion,
technology
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 has significantly transformed the way
people
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 form
relationships
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.
Technology
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 has made a sweeping change in
individuals
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'
types
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 of
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 via social
media
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative
development
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 because it
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
relationships
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 unreliable.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is great. However, try to structure your body paragraphs more logically. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Currently, your points seem a bit scattered which may affect the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed the question fully, ensuring that you support your main points with specific examples can enhance your argument. For instance, when you mention the consequences of people becoming more isolated, provide real-life examples or studies to support your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are clear and you have a coherent argument. However, you may benefit from elaborating on your ideas a bit more. Each main point should be thoroughly explained and supported with examples. This will help make your argument stronger and your essay more comprehensive.
General
Remember to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and word choice. Phrases like "trust on people" should be "trust in people." Small mistakes can add up and affect the overall readability of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task question completely, discussing both the ways technology has affected relationships and whether this is a positive or negative development.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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