IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write an essay discussing two of the points in your notes. You should explain which way would be more effective in encouraging young people to study science, providing reasons to support your opinion. You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion but you should use your own words as far as possible.

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Introduction
Teenagers nowadays
is
Verb problem
find it
show examples
easy
Replace the word
easily
show examples
to influce
Verb problem
influenced
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
 the various
diciplines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
 of knowledge. They learn about many things where got from the internet, social media,
lecturer
Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
show examples
 and many
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 resources. The benefit of
this
Linking Words
 technology
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 them
passion
Add an article
a passion
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 with their own self,
such
Linking Words
 as cooking, engineering, philosophy, etc.
I
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 my point of view, it is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 comprehensive
method
Use synonyms
 to encourage them.
Body · 1
Knowledge not only can
be
Change the verb form
be studied
show examples
study
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
theclassroom
Correct your spelling
the classroom
 but
also
Linking Words
 by technology.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 those things
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 very
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 alternatives or
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
method
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the renaisaince
show examples
renaisaince
Correct your spelling
Renaissance
 era.
Professor
Add an article
The professor
A professor
show examples
 could be upskilling them with various
Use synonyms
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 for learning
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
: visual modelling art could
be find
Change the verb form
be found
show examples
 on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
, facebook
Correct your spelling
and Facebook
,
thus
Linking Words
 with
this
Linking Words
method
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 more learn the lesson effectively.
Body · 2
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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,
Add an article
a juvenile
the juvenile
show examples
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 clever than their parents who studied with the original
method
Use synonyms
 for learning
multi
Correct word choice
multiple
show examples
diciplines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
. Kids have many
imagination
Fix the agreement mistake
imaginations
show examples
 of various things to explore and become got several
question
Change to a plural noun
questions
show examples
 with their
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 within
Use synonyms
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems can be
elaborate
Replace the word
elaborated
show examples
 with
lecturer
Add an article
the lecturer
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
show examples
, and it
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 aspect of their perspective.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, to encourage young people nowadays needs the perfect
method
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 giving them
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
explorating
Correct your spelling
explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science. I believe
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
this
Linking Words
approachment
Correct your spelling
approach
 by giving them
trusty
Correct word choice
a trustworthy
show examples
 way,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
update their mood and passion.
Hence
Linking Words
,
lecturer
Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
show examples
 should be tenet the aspect of teaching
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
modern
Add an article
a modern
the modern
show examples
 world where education has been
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 from day to day.
Overall
Linking Words
, combine
those perspective
Change the determiner
that perspective
those perspectives
show examples
 into
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 style of teaching.

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar for clearer meaning.
content
Expand on and clarify your main points with specific examples.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph follows logically to enhance coherence.
structure
The essay successfully includes an introduction and a conclusion, making the structure clear.
content
There is an attempt to discuss the influence of technology on young people's learning habits, which is a relevant and insightful point.
structure
The conclusion ties back to the main discussion on encouraging young people to study science.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • experiential learning
  • real-world applications
  • interactive simulations
  • virtual reality
  • immersive learning experiences
  • mentorship programs
  • role models
  • career paths
  • science fairs
  • critical thinking
  • innovation
  • abstract concepts
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