IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development
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These days
children
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 spend a
lot
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 of time playing
computer
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games
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 rather than doing
sports
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 activities. I personally believe that there are a
lot
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 of negative positions than positives. On the one hand, there are some positive sights playing
computer
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games
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. First and foremost, it develops their problem-solving skills. As some
computer
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games
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 are difficult and have some challenges
children
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 need to tackle these challenges with themselves without anyone's help.
As a result
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, they improve their problem-solving skills. Adding to
this
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, it develops their concept of
computers
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.
For example
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, when
children
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 play
computer
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games
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 they should know
computers
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 as they use these
computers
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 when they play online
games
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.
However
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, if they do not know how to use a
computer
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 they can not play video
games
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.
As a result
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, by playing
computer
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games
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 they are to learn
computers
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.
On the other hand
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, I think there are more negative sights than positive. First of all, playing
computer
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games
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 a
lot
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 can cause some health problems ranging from bad posture, overweightness and vision impairment.
For instance
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,
computer
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 screens give out light and when
children
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 sit in front of the
computer
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 a
lot
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 of
children
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 will have eyesight from the light which gives out the
computer
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 screen. So if young people do
sports
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 activities like tennis
instead
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 of playing video
games
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 it not happen. Engaging in
sports
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 helps
children
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 make a
lot
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 of friends.
For example
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, if young people spend their time only playing
computer
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games
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children
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 will be introverted.
However
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, if
this
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 child does
sports
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 activities
this
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 child will make a
lot
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 of friends.
As a result
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,
this
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 child will not be introverted. In conclusion, despite the positive sights, I believe that there are more negative effects than positives
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task achievement
Try to provide specific examples or data to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all parts of your essay are well connected, and transitions between points are smooth.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your stance on the issue, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a good logical structure in your essay, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
What to do next:
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