IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. Two what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives #two
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In
these day
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
, the most important aim of
science
 has an intersting for all individual's lives. So I
compeletly
Correct your spelling
completely
a gree
Correct your spelling
agree
show examples
 with
this
 view that
science
 is important in our life. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss
this
 point and give an example. First of all,
science
 has
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for all creatures. To illustrate,
people
 will have knowledge of nature, so now students are studying
science
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 and teachers give them to make
experinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
 of nature and animals ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will help them to know
a new information
Remove the article
new information
a piece of new information
show examples
. During to
experineces
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
, they will learn all things.
for example
, plants , animals ,
humen
Correct your spelling
human
 life and
teartment
Correct your spelling
treatment
.
In other words
, they need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medicine
 , but they have to
knwoledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
 the way of making
medicine
 and how to use it.
Secondly
,
science
 will help
people
 to save
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 risks,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 they will do
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 to get a good result and useful them.
therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, they will
equire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 more information
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
science
 ,
such
 as
teartment
Correct your spelling
treatment
 and
medicine
 for
people
 and animals ,
as well as
 plants. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, they can know
food
Correct word choice
whether food
show examples
 and drinks it healthy or not by
making
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 in the laboratory, because
this
 place is for
science
.
Moreover
, they will have knowledge of
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 air
pullotion
Correct your spelling
pollution
, and how finished
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
this
 problem.
To conclude
, I strongly agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interesting for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
 will help them to improve their information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
science
 and the way of
mainting
Correct your spelling
maintaining
painting
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
life.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
science
 will support them
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 their
medicine
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Submitted by Loody on

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task achievement
Work on clarifying and expanding your main ideas and examples to improve depth of response.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your argument.
task achievement
You attempted to link science to practical improvements in everyday life, which strengthens your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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