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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The Chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The Chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#visitors #cinema #age #information #features #comparisons
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The given chart represents the percentages of different
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 groups who visited a
cinema
Use synonyms
 in 2000.  A cursory glance at the graph is enough to make
it
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
clear that more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
ages
Correct determiner usage
those ages
show examples
 55 and older visited a
cinema
Use synonyms
 in that period.
While
Linking Words
 group ages from 31 to 45 was the smallest cycle among other categories.
To begin
Linking Words
 with. there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 51 per cent of people
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
55 years old and
above attended
Add a hyphen
above-attended
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 in 2000. The second biggest sector was
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 group between 10 to 15 years old who
like
Wrong verb form
liked
show examples
 to
visited
Change the verb
visit
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
, accounting for 21%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, ages 16-20 had the third greatest number figure by around 15 per cent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of individuals who went to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 who
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 21
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 30 years
Correct word choice
old were
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 only 8% of the total.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 there was only 5% of
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 groups(31-45)
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 in 2000.
Submitted by mrym05411 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema with synonyms.
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