Some argue that companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

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It is thought by some that corporations should support local
communities
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by providing
sports
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and social
facilities
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. In my opinion, I completely agree that
this
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approach will be useful for both
companies
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and
communities
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.
Firstly
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, providing
sports
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facilities
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will increase physical activity
as well as
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prevent health issues
such
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as obesity and other diseases.
In other words
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, creating
sports
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events or gyms will encourage workers and local
communities
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to exercise in groups.
For example
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, there is a company in my country that organizes a
sports
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event every Friday in the city park with many activities,
such
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as running and playing football.
Moreover
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,
this
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can educate people on the importance of
sports
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.
As a result
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, it can inspire society to adopt an active lifestyle. Another reason is that by providing social
facilities
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,
companies
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can improve engagement with others, especially among workers and families.
In other words
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,
this
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initiative will help
communities
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by building relationships.
That is
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to say, social
facilities
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,
such
Linking Words
as parks or shopping centres, can stimulate society to build strong relationships.
For instance
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, some
companies
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provide green spaces around their buildings, which allow for outings outside of working hours.
Therefore
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, social
facilities
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are an excellent option for
companies
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that want to build good relationships among their staff, which in turn improves performance during working hours.
To sum up
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, I believe that providing
sports
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and social
facilities
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for local
communities
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will benefit both the community and businesses in several ways.
Moreover
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, these initiatives may help us improve our social skills and interactions with others.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking words to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help create a more seamless flow in your argumentation.
Task Response
Although the essay fully addresses the task prompt, ensure that all points are balanced. Expanding slightly on how sporting and social facilities directly benefit companies could provide a more rounded response.
Task Response
Clarify your examples further by connecting them directly back to your main points and how they support your argument. This will reinforce the relevance of your examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, encapsulating the main argument clearly and conclusively. This helps readers understand your stance from the start and reinforces your viewpoint at the end.
Task Response
You have used relevant and specific examples, such as the company-organized sports events in your country, which strengthens your argument by providing real-world context.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are clearly expressed and logically structured, ensuring that your argument is easy to follow. This helps in maintaining the reader’s engagement throughout the essay.
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