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Band 5.5

There is a rising trend of people working from home. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it have on society?

#trend #people #home #effects #society
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These days,
people
Use synonyms
 are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
free to opt
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 way they want to work. And now,
remarkable
Change the article
a remarkable
the remarkable
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number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are eager to have a distant job. Companies' intention to reduce their office
costs
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the type of job
are
Change the verb form
is
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 play
role
Correct article usage
a role
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 in
this
Linking Words
 issue.
This
Linking Words
 can affect the traffic congestion in megacities and result in happier societies.
Firstly
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, As the expenditure of managing an enterprise is a significant
number
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, managers are always eager to cut some
costs
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. Attendance of employers incurs a huge amount of cost to companies;
therefore
Linking Words
, changing
jobs
Use synonyms
 to remote ones would reduce their
costs
Use synonyms
 remarkably.
Besides
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,
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to
jobs
Use synonyms
 like working in a production line which craftsmen should control
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, others can be done from home,
such
Linking Words
 as programming or teaching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online courses. These types of
jobs
Use synonyms
 do not require commuting to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, as long as
people
Use synonyms
 work for their companies from their homes, less
number
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 of cars will occupy the streets of the cities. It means that in the peak times of traffic, individuals should not
wast
Correct your spelling
waste
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 their time on the way to home or office.
Besides
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, one of the reasons why
people
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 are less satisfied with their
jobs
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 is less free time
for spending
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to spend
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 with their families, which is a central factor
to have
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in having
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 a happy family.
Thus
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, by working remotely from home,
people
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 would have more time and physical contact with their family members.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large scale, it can help society to be more optimistic.
Overall
Linking Words
, motivations behind mobile work would be that a wide range of
jobs
Use synonyms
 can be done without
Add an article
the
show examples
need for
presence
Add an article
a presence
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 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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, and enterprise owners' interest in cutting their
costs
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. Uncrowded cities'
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
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along with
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 merry societies are the
number
Use synonyms
 of outcomes of remote careers.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to further illustrate your points. Examples add depth to your arguments and make them more relatable. For instance, you could mention specific technologies that facilitate remote work, or concrete ways companies reduce costs with remote workers.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Using linking words or phrases like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently' can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly set the tone and summarize the main ideas of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and effects of the trend towards remote work, covering major points such as cost reduction and societal impact.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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