IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

some popel think thatfamily life and parents have great influence on chidren development, while other consider that external influenece plays a morte important role in children life, discuss both views and given your opinion?

#popel #life #parents #influence #chidren #development #influenece #morte #role #children
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Some people consider that
parents
 have
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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imapct
Correct your spelling
impact
 on
Change noun form
children's
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children
 development.
However
, other individuals believe that external influence significant impact on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behavious
Correct your spelling
behaviour
behaviours
 or life. The
significant
Replace the word
significance
show examples
 of both
vies
Correct your spelling
views
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be analysed and compared here
Fix the infinitive
to idetify
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idetify
Correct your spelling
identify
 the most convincing observation. one the one hand side, the most important
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
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to consider is that
parents
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
Correct article usage
a significantb
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significantb
Correct your spelling
significant
 role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 means that
parents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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first mentor their
children
 , and learn
moreal
Correct your spelling
moral
more
 and ethical values from their
parents
.
Children
 learn
whatrs
Correct your spelling
what's
what
right and wrong values from their
parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and learn
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
respect
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
citizents
Correct your spelling
citizens
. Which leads to
become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
 good citizens.
Submitted by harshdeepmakhan26 on

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structure
Include an introduction that clearly states the topic and purpose of the essay. Conclude with a summary of main points and your opinion. This will help to make your essay more complete and cohesive.
support
Ensure that each main point is supported with specific examples or explanations. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.
grammar
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve punctuation to enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task response
The essay attempts to address both views on the influence of parents and external factors on children's development.
coherence
Some key arguments are presented, like the influence of parents as first mentors teaching moral and ethical values.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Influence: having an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone.
  • Development: the process of developing or being developed, such as mental or emotional growth.
  • Moral values: principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.
  • External influences: factors outside of the family that impact a child’s development, such as school, peers, and media.
  • Attachment: an emotional bond between a child and caregiver which can affect a child’s development.
  • Cognitive development: the construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem solving, and decision-making.
  • Peer pressure: influence from members of one's peer group.
  • Social skills: skills for successfully handling social relations and getting along well with others.
  • Media exposure: the extent to which an individual is exposed to media content.
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