some popel think thatfamily life and parents have great influence on chidren development, while other consider that external influenece plays a morte important role in children life, discuss both views and given your opinion?

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Some people consider that
parents
Use synonyms

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have
significant
Correct article usage
a significant

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imapct
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impact

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on
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children's

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children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

development.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, other individuals believe that external influence significant impact on
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children
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children's

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behavious
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behaviour
behaviours

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or life. The
significant
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significance

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of both
vies
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views

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would
Wrong verb form
will

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be analysed and compared here
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to idetify
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Fix the infinitive
to idetify

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idetify
Correct your spelling
identify
the most convincing observation. one the one hand side, the most important
aspects
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aspect

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to consider is that
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

plays
Change the verb form
play

The singular verb plays does not appear to agree with the plural subject parents. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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Correct article usage
a significantb
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Correct article usage
a significantb

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significantb
Correct your spelling
significant
role
for
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in

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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

children
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children's

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development.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This

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means that
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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first mentor their
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and learn
moreal
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moral
more

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and ethical values from their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

learn
whatrs
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what's
what

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right and wrong values from their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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and learn
Fix the infinitive
to

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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respect
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older

It seems that old may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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citizents
Correct your spelling
citizens

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. Which leads to
become
Change the verb form
becoming

The verb become may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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good citizens.

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structure
Include an introduction that clearly states the topic and purpose of the essay. Conclude with a summary of main points and your opinion. This will help to make your essay more complete and cohesive.
support
Ensure that each main point is supported with specific examples or explanations. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.
grammar
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve punctuation to enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task response
The essay attempts to address both views on the influence of parents and external factors on children's development.
coherence
Some key arguments are presented, like the influence of parents as first mentors teaching moral and ethical values.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Influence: having an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone.
  • Development: the process of developing or being developed, such as mental or emotional growth.
  • Moral values: principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.
  • External influences: factors outside of the family that impact a child’s development, such as school, peers, and media.
  • Attachment: an emotional bond between a child and caregiver which can affect a child’s development.
  • Cognitive development: the construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem solving, and decision-making.
  • Peer pressure: influence from members of one's peer group.
  • Social skills: skills for successfully handling social relations and getting along well with others.
  • Media exposure: the extent to which an individual is exposed to media content.
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