Historians and archaeologists now believe that, over time and around the world, the amount of violence in which people are killed has been going down. Why do you think this the case? What can be done to make sure violence stays low?

#historians #archaeologists #time #world #amount #violence #people #case

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Nowadays some researchers

such

Linking Words

as historians and archaeologists think that occasionally and around the world, the amount of ruthlessness in which

people

Use synonyms

are being killed has declined. It is occurring because

technology

Use synonyms

enhancement and items

such

Linking Words

as cameras allow government officials to seek

people

Use synonyms

. If we want to be sure that

violence

Use synonyms

will decrease,

people

Use synonyms

should keep upgrading

innovations

Use synonyms

. On the one hand, the number of

people

Use synonyms

who suffer from

violence

Use synonyms

becoming smaller and smaller, since

technology

Use synonyms

has upgraded, and item

such

Linking Words

as cameras has a prime factor that aims at police.

For example

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

in supermarkets tend not to

steel

Correct your spelling

steal

show examples

anything, cause

Change preposition

apply

show examples

cameras monitor them.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the camera is one of the beneficial

innovations

Use synonyms

that

people

Use synonyms

intended.

In addition

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should not do any

violence

Use synonyms

, since plenty of them feel caution and the consequences that it will

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Nevertheless

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should be sure that

this

Linking Words

level of crime stays low, and with the help of

innovations

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

will be safe.

For instance

Linking Words

, technologies that were invented have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advantageous effects

such

Linking Words

as finding prisoners.

Moreover

Linking Words

, prisoners who have been caught by the machines

also

Linking Words

will suffer from the machine's actions.

Hence

Linking Words

, humanity should expand the abilities of technologies to have beneficial effects.

For example

Linking Words

, in

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

people

Use synonyms

improving their own

technology

Use synonyms

and,

as a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

they have

lower

Add an article

a lower

show examples

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

of crime. In conclusion, in current times,

level

Correct article usage

the level

show examples

violence

Use synonyms

decrasing

Correct your spelling

decreasing

and stays low owing to aims that

gives

Change the verb form

give

show examples

technology

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, humanity should keep improving

innovations

Use synonyms

as it is one of the main reasons that

violence

Use synonyms

stays low.

Submitted by erkasiet2008 on Thu Dec 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas more clearly in paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that is explored logically.

task achievement

Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

task achievement

Improve the clarity of your ideas by reducing vague expressions and focusing on direct expressions of the main idea.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for the decline in violence and suggesting measures to keep it low.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which contributes to its completeness.

task achievement

The essay attempts to integrate examples with the general discussion, which can enhance the task response when refined.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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Historians and archaeologists now believe that, over time and around the world, the amount of violence in which people are killed has been going down. Why do you think this the case? What can be done to make sure violence stays low?

Your opinion

It is important to give children an opportunity to become independent and make decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student's performance. Continual assessment, such as coursework and projects, is not a satisfactory way to do this. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Young people are more likely to be involved in car accidents, therefore the legal driving age should be raised to 22 years old. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.