IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that cinemas will one day close due to the popularity of online streaming services for films and series. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people watch
movies
Use synonyms
 online
instead
Linking Words
 of going to watch
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 at the
cinemas
Use synonyms
. I agree
Correct word choice
that cineamas
show examples
cineamas
Change the capitalization
Cineamas
show examples
 will close
one
Change preposition
for one
show examples
 day because high prices for
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
, watching
movies
Use synonyms
 and series at home
most
Add a missing verb
is most
show examples
 popular
due to
Linking Words
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
 time.
For example
Linking Words
, people work late at night so they get
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 tired to go out to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 and love to stay home after a long day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the time
show
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 at
cinemas
Use synonyms
 is
sechedule
Correct your spelling
schedule
scheduled
 so it is hard to find
a good films
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good film
good films
show examples
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
aproprate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 time.
Body paragraph 2
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 one of the most famous family
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 is watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 so it is
expancive
Correct your spelling
expansive
expensive
 for
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 to
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
cinmas
Correct your spelling
cinemas
cinema
.
Pepole
Correct your spelling
People
 who
is lives
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the sidecountry
show examples
sidecountry
Correct your spelling
side-country
side country
 is hard to reach
cinemas
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 distance.
For instance
Linking Words
, my sister
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
 in
village
Add an article
the village
a village
show examples
 and the
Correct your spelling
nearest
nearst
Correct your spelling
nearest
cinemas
Use synonyms
 it is about 130km
so
Rephrase
away so
show examples
 they subscribe
Change preposition
to
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 apps
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 going to
Correct your spelling
cinemas
cenimas
Correct your spelling
cinemas
.
However
Linking Words
, with the development of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 there are more online streaming
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 to
whatch
Correct your spelling
watch
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 for free.
Conclusion
to conclude
Linking Words
, watching
movies
Use synonyms
 is popular for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age groups but with the development of technology
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 at home is easy now with all the family
membares
Correct your spelling
members
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by connecting ideas more clearly. Use linking words and transitional phrases to improve the overall coherence and guide the reader between points.
task achievement
Develop the main ideas with more detailed examples to fully support your argument on why cinemas might close.
task achievement
Work on eliminating spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity. While minor inaccuracies don't lower the score significantly, fixing them will strengthen the overall response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's position on the topic, making it easy for the reader to understand the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing the writer's position.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task by considering multiple aspects of the issue, such as time convenience and family activities, thus providing a complete response to the prompt.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique experience
  • communal aspect
  • online streaming services
  • media consumption
  • cost-effective
  • vast library of content
  • home entertainment systems
  • high-definition televisions
  • surround sound
  • cinematic experience
  • pausing content
  • luxury experiences
  • blockbusters
  • special effects
  • social aspect
  • cultural activity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: