Many manufactured food and products contain high level of sugar, which causes several health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying that most foods found in supermarkets contain elevated levels of additives
such
as sugar, which are related to poor health. I wholeheartedly believe that it is essential to encourage people to improve their diet. Many support the idea that increasing the prices of sugary products would instantly lead to a better lifestyle and,
therefore
, fewer health risks. In my opinion, consumers will end up buying cheaper products which may not be the healthiest option either.
Consequently
, the main problem will remain. Because,
while
this
could be true for some people, the reality is that most of them do not have enough information about how little changes in their diet can improve their health. From my perspective, teaching and guiding the population on how and what to eat should be the key. Needless is to say the huge amount of sweet products being announced every second on social media, even on public television.
Moreover
, most of them are focused on children, who are highly impressionable.
As a result
, obesity rates and sugar-related medical conditions are of great concern in developed countries
such
as the United States. One reason behind
this
could be the interest of the food industry in becoming wealthier. If the government does not regulate advertising, nor provide public education on healthy habits, society is condemned. All things considered, I strongly disagree that the consumption of sugar would decrease by increasing its price. Alternatively, efforts should be made to educate about sustainable and wholesome eating practices.
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task achievement
Use more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can enhance the argument's credibility and help illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, consider making your introduction a bit more engaging to attract readers' attention immediately.
task achievement
You have presented a clear argument against increasing the price of sugary products, well-supported by the idea of promoting education instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, moving smoothly from one paragraph to another, maintaining a coherent structure throughout.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the main points discussed, providing closure to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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