Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?
Recently, young
people
from the countryside to the
different Correct article usage
apply
cities
for work or study. There are mainly two reasons about
Change preposition
for
this
situation. Even though leaving for rural areas have
some drawbacks, I believe that it Correct subject-verb agreement
has
also
has more benefits.
On the one hand, there are two reasons about
the great society resources and the diversity of Change preposition
for
job
opportunities in the cities
. First of all, the cities
can provide the top-ranking facilities, medical and education. Because the
Correct word choice
The
cities
have high
population identity, which Correct article usage
a high
cause
the high financial income of the government. They pay more attention to the infrastructures in the Change the verb form
causes
cities
, such
as the medical security, public transportation system and the highly
levels of education. Change the adverb
high
Additionally
, young people
can require more job
opportunities. Most advanced technology companies are built in the cities
. Not only they can choose the
all Remove the article
apply
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
contents
, but Fix the agreement mistake
content
also
they probably gain a highly
salary.
Change the adverb
high
On the other hand
, young people
going to the big cities
for work or study exist
some disadvantages. Since countrysides have Verb problem
have
losing
of Wrong verb form
lost
workforce
, especially young Add an article
the workforce
people
. There are not
Correct your spelling
no
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
industries, which Change preposition
apply
make
the gap Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
of
the poor and the rich Change preposition
between
become
wider. But there are more advantages for young Verb problem
apply
people
. They get the
highly quality life conditions, which can help them to gain knowledge and broaden their horizon. A Correct article usage
apply
highly salary
Correct your spelling
high-salary
job
can make
them Verb problem
help
to
solve the Change the verb form
apply
economy
Replace the word
economic
problem
in their family. They Fix the agreement mistake
problems
also
can use the experience of learning from the cities
to create the
new companies in their hometown that solve the gap Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
in
wealthy
.
In conclusion, young Replace the word
wealth
people
from the
rural areas to Correct article usage
apply
cities
that experience the
better lifestyle is a great way for their growth. Correct article usage
a
Although
there are some drawbacks, they also
can solve them by
several ways. So I firmly believe that the government should encourage young Change preposition
in
people
to go to cities
for
study or work.Change preposition
to
Submitted by 1046621116qq.com on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Try to further develop your ideas with more specific examples to enhance clarity and insight.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay can be more cohesive by employing clear linking words or phrases to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question by discussing reasons as well as advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite